


I Will Fight For You, I Will Live For You

by AristoMuse



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adulthood, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Chapter 107 Spoilers, Childhood, Childhood Friends, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Loosely Follows Canon, Loss of Virginity, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One Shot, Romance, Sexual Content, Snippets, Titan Eren, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Violence, im thirsty for 19 year old Eren, this is so damn long, will span from childhood to adulthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-10 12:15:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15949154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AristoMuse/pseuds/AristoMuse
Summary: As kids, Eren had always bugged you. It didn't matter that you were three years older than him. He would shout, he would pull on your hair, and he would tug you around to play with Mikasa and Armin. He just wanted your attention, no matter what.When you left to join the military, he swore to find you again as a fellow soldier.He didn't think it would be so difficult to hold onto you.Nor you him.(A oneshot spanning the years from childhood to adulthood. Up to chapter 107 spoilers.)





	I Will Fight For You, I Will Live For You

**Author's Note:**

> was first posted in a rush so I didn't check for spelling/grammar mistakes. Will be slowly revising that!

**842**

Shiganshina was the very definition of peaceful. It was full of hardworking people who worked passionately in their respective trades, then went home to eat dinner with their families. Even though it was considered the poorest district within the Walls, people were content to live their lives away protected from the horrible man eating monsters just outside.

"Hello." You greeted the younger boy with a polite smile, your parents sitting just behind you with smiles on their faces as well.

He warily looked out from behind his father. "...Hi." He greeted monotonously a few seconds later, leaving the household with an awkward atmosphere. 

"I'm sorry for my son." Grisha Jeager smiled apologetically before gently pushing his son forward. "Be nice, Eren. These are some of our neighbors."

Frowning, Eren walked up to you and you looked down at him. He was 3 years younger than you, so he was quite small, but even so, he had a very...empty face. As if he didn't really know how to talk to people. His brown hair was trimmed neatly and parted in the middle of his forehead, showing his big green eyes that were half lidded. This kid was kind of creepy, but your mom always taught you that being nice was better than nothing.

"Hi Eren," You held out your hand to shake. "My name is-"

He reached out and yanked your hand, so hard you toppled over on top of him. "Hey! What the hell?!" You yelped, rolling off of him. "Why did you pull me?"

He sat up and there was a spark of something on his face now. Where before it was like a blank canvas, there was a red hue in his cheeks and his eyes sparkled as he pouted. "Let's play!" He shouted at you, and taken aback, you could only let yourself get dragged out the door while your parents waved you off. What in the world..?

You tried to play with him from then on, but he was so rough. He pulled at your hair, your skirt, and your arm. When you yanked him back, he actually let out a delighted laugh, and it left you in a confused state of bruises and dust covering your skirt. He was so weird.

What really confused you was when he introduced you to Armin one day, and he didn't do anything to him. He didn't yank at his clothes, his hair, or his book. Why did he only play so roughly with you? Was it because you were older? 

Armin was such a sweet boy though, way more gentle than Eren, and you ended up liking Armin way more. In retaliation, Eren tugged at your arm so hard he almost dislocated it, and you finally yelled at him to stop.

Stunned, he crossed his arms and pouted, sulking quietly while Armin fluttered around you nervously, asking if you were okay.

Even though Eren treated you so roughly, you still smiled. "I'm okay." 

Immediately, the boy in question turned around to give you a hardened stare and you withheld a sigh. Being friends with him was going to hurt, wasn't it?

 

* * *

 

**845**

"Oi!"

Trying your hardest not to roll your eyes, you turned around with a heavy sigh. "Hi Eren." You greeted him rather unenthusiastically when he ran up to you. "Is there something you need?"

The little boy stopped in front of you and shyly rubbed his nose. His cheeks were always a little red when you were around, but you chalked it up to him having ran this time. "Uh...I heard from your mom that you're enlisting in the military." Eren murmured, uncharacteristically quiet for once. "Is that true?"

You nodded. "I am, yeah." You were 13 now, and living in Shiganshina as a girl meant you were either going to get married, or you'd find a job as a waitress somewhere, or worse, work at the landfills and farms. None of these options appealed to you, especially getting married. Who the hell wanted to be tied down to a man and be expected to pop out child after child? Even though you were a year older, anyone of any age after 12 could enlist, so why not. You were always quite athletic thanks to being yanked around by the brat in front of you, and the pay was decent.

Eren looked up at you with sparkling eyes, and for a moment, you felt your breath leave you. If there was one thing you liked about him, it was his eyes. They were these absolutely beautiful gems that reflected the sun and sky and land at you. It was too bad they came with an obnoxious kid who didn't know how to back down. "You're going to join the Survey Corps then?!" He asked loudly, gaining the attention of passerby who grimaced and moved away.

"Um..." You bit your lip. "Maybe. I don't know, I just want to do something with more meaning in my life, you know?"

He nodded fervently. "Yeah, me too. I'm going to join as soon as I can and go outside the Walls to defeat the Titans!"

"Did your parents say anything about that?" You raised a brow and crossed your arms over your chest. "I hope you're not planning on running away. Enlistment is for 12 and up."

Pausing, Eren pouted and looked away. "I'm not! I just...I wanna find out more about the world. You know how Armin always goes on about that forbidden geography book his grandpa gave him. I really wanna see the ocean one day, whatever that is."

You smiled softly. "...It would be nice." You agreed. You always wondered what could be out there. The world couldn't be just a couple of districts surrounded by Walls. What other places were there? What was there to see and experience?

The younger boy looked up at you and blinked, his cheeks blooming with red. "...Let's go see it together." He blurted out.

You blinked. "Huh? You mean the ocean?"

Eren nodded, clenching his hands near his chest. "Yeah! With Armin and Mikasa. I want..." He shuffled his feet around.  "I wanna see it with you." He muttered, his emerald green eyes peeping up at you occasionally before darting back down. 

Giggling, you reached out and fondly ruffled his hair. "Sure, let's go see the ocean together." You indulged him. Sometimes, he could be pretty endearing.

He smacked your hand away with an embarrassed blush. "Stop treating me like a kid!" He shouted.

"Kind of hard when you _are_ one, Eren." You retorted lightheartedly, holding out a hand to measure his height which came up to your shoulder. "Look, you're so much smaller than me!"

His cheeks puffed up and he reached up to tug on your long hair. "Just you watch! I'll be taller than you one day, and I'll be a better soldier than you, too!"

"Ow!" You winced and hit him on the arm to make him let go. For some reason, he always tugged at your hair, your clothes, your arms. Every bratty thing he could do, he had done it to you at some point. This was why he was a brat. He never respected your personal space even though you were his elder. "Okay okay, just stop with the tugging. I'll see you again when you're a big bad soldier like me."

Ignoring the chide, Eren beamed up at you with those gorgeous eyes of his and as always, you found it hard to stay angry at him. Besides, you doubted you would see him again for a long time. What were the chances that you would even join the Survey Corps? Or if he would even make it through training? 

Maybe you'd end up in the Garrison or the Military Police Brigade.

 

* * *

 

A few months later, when news of Shiganshina's fall reached you at the Calaneth military camp, you desperately put in every ounce of strength you had into training. You couldn't believe the Titans had actually breached the Wall and that your hometown had been taken over by those disgusting creatures. How could something like this happen? The Survey Corps had been too decimated to be mobilized since they had only come back from an expedition earlier that very day, and so a rescue operation couldn't happen.

Your mom, your dad, your neighbors.

Armin, Mikasa, and even Eren.

Were they safe? Did they make it to Trost? Or...had they been eaten?

You clenched your hands tighter around the grips of your swords and pushed yourself farther ahead, using as little gas as possible while still maintaining high speeds. There was nothing you could do now. The news had been a week old by the time it had reached your camp. You couldn't go back in time to prevent it from happening, but...

Narrowing your eyes, you readied your blades and with a cry, you sliced through the Titan dummy's neck, carving out the entire foam board. You didn't stop, already going for the next, and the next. 

You had to become stronger. There was no way you were going to let the Titans just destroy your home without any repercussions. You were going to join the Survey Corps.

And maybe...just maybe, Eren had survived and will join as well.

 

* * *

**848**

After graduating within the Top 10 at the very humble spot of 3, just behind Oluo Bozard and Petra Ral, you joined up with the Survey Corps. Your other fellow trainees kept a fair distance away from you after finding out you were from Shiganshina, and you didn't mind. You didn't need any distractions when you were training to kill man eating monsters. The only reason you were 3 and not 1 was because the other two were extremely skilled as well, though Oluo was obnoxious to be around.

They also had ended up joining the Survey Corps, and after finding that out, Petra decided that the three of you just had to be friends. "C'mon, we're all fresh out of camp together and you're the only other girl to join!" She pleaded with a sweet smile. "We didn't talk much during training but I look forward to working alongside you!"

Taken aback by her kind disposition, you gave her a small smile and shook her hand. "Same. I look forward to killing Titans with you."

"Tch..." Oluo sneered at you. "As if coming in number 3 means you're gonna be as good as me. Just you watch, I'll have the highest kill count ever known in the Survey Corps-Ugh!" He accidentally bit his tongue and blood sprayed out. 

Grimacing, you stepped back as far as possible. "...Sure. Who knows, what with you spraying blood everywhere, the Titans will be able to smell you coming from miles away." 

When the induction ceremony ended, you and Petra were placed in the same bunk together and even the same squad. The newbies stuck together near the back of the formation, so when it was time to go out on your first expedition, you didn't encounter a Titan for hours until a red flare was launched to your right, several meters away. 

"One of you newbies shoot a green one!" Your squad leader commanded, and you nodded. Loading the gun with a green bullet, you covered one ear and shot it up in the sky. It was ear-piercingly loud and you had no idea how it didn't spook the horses, but everyone continued on. It was strange to travel through what used to be your homeland, and now you had to treat it like foreign territory. There were sparse settlements of abandoned buildings, blood splatters having long turned brown. It was bittersweet to be back.

Unfortunately, even with a signal flare system, there was no possible way to avoid every Titan, and so when your squad had come upon a rather fat 10 meter that moved slowly, every instinct inside you screamed to get away from the predator. Your breath hitched and it was almost impossible to move your limbs to take our your swords, but a whimper caught your attention.

Looking to your left, you saw that in her fear induced panic, Petra had wet herself, and Oluo wasn't fairing any better. For being number 1 and 2, it didn't change the fact that they had lived in Wall Rose all their lives, and had never felt the ever-oppressing air in Shiganshina with the Titans pawing at the Walls just 10 meters thick. 

But you had. 

Sometimes, when the town was quiet enough, you were able to hear their deep and hungering groans, along with the sound of their hands scratching at the flawless bricks that kept them away. You always knew they were there, even though they had no viable way of getting in.

Steeling yourself, you launched a wire at the lumbering monster and your anchor latched into its shoulder. Pulling the trigger, you zipped toward it at breakneck speed, using your momentum to swing around it. Launching your second hook into its upper back, you held your blades out and gritted your teeth. Please cut, please cut!

You felt more than you saw your blades slice through the nape of its neck and you quickly retracted your wire out of it as it fell to the ground with a groan. Steam began to envelop its entire body and you watched in horrid fascination as its skin, muscles, and even its bones evaporated. 

"You reckless idiot!" Your squad leader yelled, leading your horse back to you. "Don't kill without my command!"

"Yessir." You panted, quickly climbing back onto your horse to keep up with the formation. "Apologies, sir."

"...Good kill, though." He complimented you a few minutes later. "It's rare a Scout can solo a Titan, let alone a newbie fresh out of training. Maybe you'll live longer than I expected."

You kept silent. The only reason why you had been able to do it was because the Titan was slow to react. If it was an Abnormal, then you doubted you would've gotten out so lucky. Keeping calm was important, and it was something you learned from watching Eren blow up over every little thing.

"...You're amazing." Petra whispered, looking down at her stained pants with a humiliated grimace. "I'll...I'll do better next time."

You glanced back at her and frowned sympathetically. "It's not a competition, Petra. So long as you make it out alive, you're already winning." Because you already lost too much to care about things like who was the best and who was a coward. Surviving to live another day was all that was important.

Petra stared at you before a smile appeared and she nodded. "You're right. The most important thing is to survive."

After that expedition, you became close friends. Even when all your comrades died around you, half eaten in a Titan's mouth, you survived. Petra survived. Oluo survived. 

It wasn't long after that you were all scouted to join some of the more experienced squads. Captain Levi had personally requested to have you all on his team, and though you were tempted to decline since you doubted you were skilled enough, Petra had convinced you to accept. You and her had racked up an impressive amount of kills together, and Petra boasted the highest assisted kill count in the entire Corps. 

Oluo made sure to rub it in your face as many times as he could that he had the highest solo kills, just behind Captain Levi himself. While it got annoying, you didn't really care about things like kill counts. All that mattered was making sure your comrades, your friends, made it out alive.

Because here, you were able to do something unlike when Shiganshina fell. Where you were miles away from your home as it was trampled to the ground, and with all your friends and family missing. Your parents had known which training camp you were at and since you had never received a letter or a visit, you had to assume they were dead, even though it hurt.

Even Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. They were just kids. 

You closed your eyes and fought hard not to cry. Even though he was annoying, Eren never failed to try to hang out with you. How he would include you when he wanted to go "exploring." You even missed how he would tug on you and turn red in the face.

_His cheeks puffed up and he reached up to tug on your long hair. "Just you watch! I'll be taller than you one day, and I'll be a better soldier than you, too!"_

You hoped he was alive somewhere.

He did promise he would meet you again as a soldier.

 

* * *

 

 **850**  

"Preparations are complete." You announced, making sure all your straps were done properly and tight.

"Good. We're heading out." Captain Levi commanded, urging his horse to join the general forces that would be riding out of Trost soon. You and the others in the Elite Squad followed after him on your own respective horses. You couldn't help but get lost in your thoughts, the rhythmic trot of the horse under you putting you in a trance.

You were 18 now. Your hair had grown longer, now placed in a tight bun to avoid any ODM accidents, and you had grown a little taller, topping it off at 5'4. Your body had matured, and the constant use of ODM gear ensured that there was barely an ounce of fat on you. Even though you were quite slim and petite, every inch of you was pure muscle and power, ready to kill more Titans.

It was tiring and thankless work, and the Corps had barely made any progress in reclaiming Wall Maria. Every expedition outside of Rose meant killing Titans and losing comrades, then coming back through a district to be booed at. You hated it so much, and honestly if it weren't for the few friends you had made in the Corps, and your promise to Eren, you would've quit long ago.

It was hard to find a reason to keep living when they all kept dying around you.

"Hey, you okay?" Gunther whispered to you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You gave him a small smile. "I'm fine. It's just that Trost is directly north of Shiganshina..."

He made a noise of realization. "Right, your hometown...Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up anything bad."

"It's fine." You forced yourself to say, keeping your eyes forward as the Corps entered Trost. "We'll take it back one day."

"Hey, shut your mouths back there." Captain Levi spoke up without even turning around. "You can chat all you want when we get back later, so just hold in your shit for now."

"Yes, captain." You and Gunther intoned sheepishly. 

As you rode your horse along, your eyes couldn't help but wander around. A lot of people had stopped to watch the beginning of their expedition this time. The atmosphere in Trost was almost hopeful, you could say. There was an energy here that you hadn't felt in a long time. 

"Kill those filthy Titans, Commander Erwin!" A local shouted, but the Commander kept his eyes forward at the gate. It wasn't uncommon for people to yell out encouragements like that, only to say the opposite when they came back, bloody and missing a few comrades. At this point, you had developed the ability to tune them out. 

"-It's Captain Levi! I hear he's worth an entire brigade!" 

You blinked and tried to see where that had come from. You thought Captain Levi's reputation was more well known, but the guy who just said that almost sounded like he had just learned it. Who said that-

Your eyes caught sight of brown hair and emerald green eyes and your breath hitched. Could it be? 

You tried to angle your head to see his facial features, but then another person came up to him and blocked him from your view. You cursed under your breath at the missed opportunity. It couldn't have been him, could it? But they were all wearing trainee uniforms. Could Eren have actually survived to enter the military?

"Noisy brats..." You heard Captain Levi mutter in front of you, and you frowned. That wasn't fair, but you understood. The entire Corps looked up to him so it wasn't surprising to know that the trainees did as well. Being known as Humanity's Strongest meant that there was immense pressure on his shoulders, and you had witnessed firsthand what that had done to him.

Countless nights without sleep, using paperwork as a distraction, and even working himself to the bone to try to forget. To try to amend to those who had died believing he would be able to save them. 

It happened often where you wouldn't be able to sleep due to nightmares, and you would go make two cups of tea. One for yourself, and one for your Captain. It was why you were his favorite in the squad, though he would never say that out loud.

"SOLDIERS!" Commander Erwin's powerful voice carried out in the entire boulevard. "READY YOURSELVES! WE ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN THE 56TH EXPEDITION!"

Tensing your shoulders, you sat up straight on your horse with the reins clutched tightly in your hands. You glance one more time to your right, but the trainees had already disappeared. You tried to quell the disappointment within you. The 104th recently graduated, didn't they? Maybe you really could keep that promise.

"DEPART!"

At the signal, you and your fellow soldiers immediately rode out through the tunnel separating Trost from Wall Maria. There was no time to think about that. Right now, all that mattered was that you and your comrades will make it out alive.

 

* * *

 

 

You paced nervously back and forth at headquarters, unaware of the other four pairs of eyes tracking your movement. The 56th expedition had been cut short when they noticed all the Titans had begun heading toward Trost, even going so far as to ignore them. Their plan of establishing a supply depot had to take a back burner and honestly, it sucked. Bera from Squad 4 had died out there, along with many others, and for what? Nothing. They hadn't accomplished anything solid when the Commander ordered them all to turn around.

Only to find out that Trost had been breached by the Colossal Titan. 

Fear had gripped your heart at the thought of losing even more of your home to those thrice damned monsters, and just when you all had reached the Wall, a boulder had suddenly been slammed down, barring your return. 

Captain Levi had flew ahead and anchored himself in a zig zag pattern up the Wall, and he reported back that it had been sealed by a trainee, a kid who was seen being pulled out of a Titan's nape.

No other information had been released since then, and the Commander, Section Commander, and your Captain had been holed up in the Interior since. All Survey Scouts were on standby at headquarters.

"Would you sit down already?" Oluo snapped at you while trying to hold his cup by the rim. It reminded you way too close to a certain someone and you knew he was just being a copycat. "Your insistent pacing is annoying me."

"He has a point," Eld joined in, stretching his arms up in the air. "There's no use in worrying. We'll know when the captain comes back."

"Yeah..." You reluctantly agreed. "I'm just curious who that kid could be. They said he's a trainee, right? Where did this power come from?"

"Who knows?" Gunther crossed his arms with a pensive and grim frown. "But it could come in handy."

Petra looked up from her tea. "What do you mean?" She inquired warily.

"Ah." You realized. "You mean that kid could probably plug up Shiganshina, right? Since he was able to move a giant boulder all by himself."

Gunther nodded. "You were always a quick one. I heard the commander wants to take him for the Corps." He leaned back in his chair. "It's likely that if he wins, we'll be the ones in charge of watching him."

"No one is better at killing Titans than me." Oluo sniffed, running a hand through his hair which was styled like a certain someone's, even an undercut. "If that kid so much as breathes wrong, I'll cut him down."

You frowned but nodded as well. No one else was better at killing Titans than your squad, and if this kid turned out to be trouble, it would be quick work to put him down.

It would be tragic though, since apparently the trainee was known for wanting to join the Survey Corps. How sad would it be to have his own superiors cut him down? There wasn't anything you could do but to wait until the Captain returned, with good or bad news.

The door to the small meeting room slammed open to show Ness, a fellow soldier and the stablemaster for the Corps. "Levi Squad, you're being ordered to meet with Captain Levi and the new recruit just outside of the Courthouse." He informed them. "The Captain wants you there ASAP."

Everyone shot out of their seats and saluted before heading out the door down to the stables. You bit your lip while readying the saddle on your horse. So we had won the boy in court. Who was it then? 

The journey to Ehrmich was ridden in silence, the only sound being heard for miles was the constant clopping of 5 horses and their riders. The plains were empty, but the closer you came to the Interior, more buildings began to crop up in elevating opulence. It was a far cry from the modest buildings inside Shiganshina and even Trost. Here, the streets were paved with stone and buildings were lined with gold trims. Large water fountains lined several open courtyards along with tall structures that signified themselves the churches of the Walls. 

You found it disgusting that there was so much wealth here when people were starving and homeless in Trost, a city that had been considered the Interior just 5 years ago. How many times will the Colossal Titan come to ruin them before the nobles in the Interior realized that that they had to fight back? 

Riding through the gate into Ehrmich, it was a quick journey to the courthouse. Just trying to get to it was an obstacle as people crowded around the building trying to get a glimpse of the "monster."

"Did they execute him?"

"We can't have a Titan inside the Walls!"

"Oh Maria, Rose, Sina...What's going to happen to us now that there's a Titan in our military?"

You grimaced at the murmurs and general outcry of the crowd. "Move!" You shouted at them, trying to pave a path through the people. "This is official military business!" They gave you dirty glares but when they saw the emblem on your jacket, their faces paled and they moved away. 

It took another several minutes just to get to the special entrance reserved for military operatives, but once there, your squad quickly dismounted and walked in. Another fellow Scout saluted when they saw you and gestured to a room just down the hall. "The Commander, Captain, and Section-Commander are in there along with...the boy." They grimaced.

"Understood, thanks." Eld saluted back and led the way, and you followed. He knocked twice and after hearing the signal to come in, he opened the door. "Eld Jinn and the Special Operations Squad reporting in." 

"Eld." Captain Levi's voice called out from inside, but Eld was in the way so you couldn't see. "Are the horses in good shape?"

"Yes sir."

"Good, we're heading out immediately. Jaeger, we're going."

"Y-Yes sir." A young boy's voice, submissive and subdued, immediately followed the Captain's.

Jaeger?

Your eyes flew wide open and you leaned past Eld's side to see-

"Eren...?" You breathed out in shock. The much older version of the boy you once knew hadn't really changed. He still had that messy but neat brown hair that was parted in the middle of his forehead, and his skin had retained a nice tan from what you assumed to be from training. He was taller now, taller than you even, and his shoulders had broadened with age, showing that he was becoming a man.

Most of all, those eyes of his. Those beautiful glimmering emeralds that blinked at you once, twice, before widening themselves. "You're..?" He gasped, hands automatically reaching out to you as a hopeful smile spread on his face.

Even though all you wanted was to bring him into a bone shattering hug and to tell him how relieved and happy you are that he's alive, you couldn't forget that your superiors and squad were in the same room and were now watching the both of you like hawks. Biting your lip, you subtly shook your head and stood with your shoulders straight. "Please put on this cloak and we will escort you out." You requested politely with a blank face.

Eren recoiled back, hurt glimmering in his eyes, and you felt like the scum of the earth. "Uh...Right." He answered quietly a few tense moments later, his shoulders slumped and his head bowed.

Captain Levi looked between the two of you with a raised brow but uncrossed his legs and stood up from the sofa. "We're going then. Move out."

 

* * *

 

 

The ride to the undisclosed location was tense, and the silence was almost choking you. Captain levi rode in the front, followed by Eld and Gunter right behind him, then Oluo and Petra, and finally you and Eren. Half the squad had their cloaks covering their faces, and smuggling Eren out of Ehrmich had been easy. 

You kept your eyes trained ahead and your mouth shut tightly, because if you didn't, you would see Eren staring holes into you with a dejected frown. Why. Why did it have to be him? Why couldn't it have been someone else who was the Titan Shifter? Anyone else and you would've been fine with it, but no, it had to be him.

If he lost control, it meant that you and your squad were in charge of taking him down. You'd have to kill him.

Your hands tightened their grip on the reins of your horse. The whole reason that kept you going was to meet him again as soldiers. Sure, your squad had become important to you too, in particular Petra and Captain Levi, but the promise you made with Eren had been your sole reason for risking your life every day.

And now your current position meant that you were holding the headsman's axe above his neck.

"Um..." Eren spoke up next to you and you closed your eyes. What should you do? Should you do what you wanted to do? Or keep up a professional front so as to not appear compromised? "How...How have you been?" He asked you awkwardly, fiddling with his reins. "I um...I missed you. I thought you were dead."

Damn it.

You turned to give him a small but fond smile. "I'm alive, if that counts as a good answer. I'm glad you're alive as well." You grimaced. "I thought after Shiganshina, when I couldn't find you...Well." You cut yourself off and pursed your lips. 

"You...tried finding me?" He asked, eyes wide.

"You only get one week of break per year during training, so I used it to go search Trost." You shrugged and looked away. "I couldn't find you or Mikasa or Armin, and by then, it was months after the evacuation, so..."

He looked down at his saddle, but he had a small smile on his face, accompanied with dusty red cheeks. "I see..."

"Is...Are Armin and Mikasa..." You tried to ask but ended up falling short.

"They're alive and well." Eren answered, now less subdued. "I'm sure they'll be happy to see you, too."

"Oi." Oluo spoke up in front of you. "Can't you brats shut the hell up? You're so damn noisy."

"Oluo, be nice." Petra chided him before turning to Eren. "Sorry about him, he's trying to copy a certain someone. Unluckily for him though, it's not working."

You snickered. "It's true."

Oluo turned around in his saddle and glared at the two of you. "Shut your mouths, you maggots! You can't treat a superior like that- Agh!" He bit his tongue and blood sprayed into the air, spooking Eren. Eren in turn urged his horse away from him and closer to you.

"You guys in the back, shut up." Captain Levi spoke up, immediately silencing the four of you. "Jaeger, make sure you're keeping your horse at our exact pace. Don't fall behind."

"Y-Yes sir!" Eren answered obediently, and sat up straighter in his saddle with an embarrassed grimace. Even though he didn't continue the conversation, he still often times peeked at you from under his cloak.

Sighing, you gave him a fond smile before wiping all emotion from your face, and stared straight ahead as a professional. You shouldn't be having so much fun anyway. Eren...Eren was still an unknown in regards to his abilities.

You didn't want to get close again only for him to be killed shortly after. 

 

* * *

 

After arriving at the castle and cleaning it from top to bottom, Captain Levi assigned Eren's room to be in the basement. Chains and all.

It was during this time that the Captain took you to the side and sat you down in front of his new desk. "What the hell is the deal with you and Jaeger?" He asked, nursing a cup of tea that you made for him. "Don't tell me you're a Titan Shifter too and you're in cahoots or some shit."

You sweatdropped. "No, Captain. Eren and I knew each other back in Shiganshina. We were..." You paused. What was the relationship between the two of you? "Friends?"

He lifted a brow. "What's with the question? You're friends or you're not, pick one."

"...We're friends." You nodded to yourself. "He was like an annoying little brother, always asking for my attention."

Levi scoffed, lifting his cup to his mouth. "Sounds like Jaeger's had a crush on you."

Taken aback, you could only gape. "Huh..?" A crush?

Sipping his tea, he placed it back down on the table. "And it seems like he still does, judging by the way he stared at you like some dumb shit stain."

You stared down at your lap. Eren? Having a crush on you? There was no way. Why would he tug at you all the time then? Why did he always shout at you and yank you around? He treated you more like another boy than anything, except...He never treated Armin like that, nor Mikasa. "...I'm sure it's just because we haven't seen each other in years." You finally replied. "I thought he was dead..."

Levi sighed and reached out to take your hand in a death grip. "I didn't ask you to speak to me about little boy crushes, that shit can stay between the two of you. What I need to ask is..." He stared at you with half lidded eyes. "Are your feelings going to get in the way of the mission?"

"Huh..?" You breathed out in shock.

"Will you be able to cut him down if he goes out of control?" Your Captain continued to interrogate you. "Are you going to hesitate? Are you going to show favoritism just because he's the brat from your childhood? I need you to stay focused."

You could only stare at your superior. Would you really be able to cut him down if it came to that? 

_"I um...I missed you. I thought you were dead."_

You nodded. "Yes, Captain."

No, you couldn't, but you could at least make sure you did everything in your power so it wouldn't come to that.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day came in the form of a beautiful sunny sky with a few clouds rolling by. Now that the castle was cleaned properly for Corps use, the only thing left to do was to wait for Section Commander Hange to arrive. 

Dressed in the proper uniform of the Corps, Eren came up to you in the empty courtyard and almost tackled you to the ground. "Oof-!" His arms wrapped around you and you automatically hugged him back. You stared straight ahead, eyes wide, and wondered just how true were the Captain's words. Maybe Eren was just hugging you because it had been 5 years. Yeah, that's what it was. 

"Hi..." Eren whispered happily, nuzzling into your shoulder even though he had to bend his neck down. "I...I'm so glad you're still alive."

Smiling awkwardly, you patted his back. "Hi Eren. Didn't we have this conversation yesterday?" As he held you in his arms, you couldn't help but realize just how tall he was now. He used to come up to your shoulder but now you were only up to his nose, and judging by his growth, he'd probably end up growing even taller. His chest was firm, and through his thin shirt, you could feel his abdominal muscles as if they were carved from rock. 

Eren moved back but still held you by your arms, and you looked up to his face. It still held traces of baby fat, but most of it had melted away and he was left with a sharp but strong jaw, and you were startled by how much he had really grown. Even his eyes were now narrowed with age, giving those emerald gems of his a sharper and more confident look.

You blinked and realized Eren had yet to say anything else, his eyes tracing over your face and down your body. "Eren?" You softly inquired, and he moved away as if he had been shocked, his cheeks a bright red. 

"Um!" He stammered, rubbing the back of his head. "I just...You look a lot different now."

"It _has_ been 5 years." You gently reminded him, amused and somewhat shy. Damn the Captain for saying Eren had a crush on you. "You look different too. You're taller than me now."

Beaming at the compliment, he puffed up his chest. "Yeah, now you can't treat me like a kid anymore!" He bragged.

"I'm still 3 years older than you." You retorted lightheartedly. "And I'm your superior officer here. I'm sure I can still treat you the same way when we were kids."

Pouting, he reached out and- Your breath hitched. Ah.

He tugged at your hair, the strands that couldn't be pulled back into your bun. "That's not fair! You should at least treat me like a soldier. I'm...I'm a Survey Corps soldier now too!" 

You reached up to close your hand over his, your hair still between his fingers, and smiled fondly. "Now this brings me back. You were always a brat when it came to me."

Blushing, he took his hand back. "A brat?" He asked, horrified.

You crossed your arms and raised a brow. "Weren't you? You tugged at my hair, my skirt, and you'd yank me around. You never did that with Armin or Mikasa."

"Th-That's because I..." He looked away shyly. "You always looked like you had better things to do, but I really wanted to play with you. Even the first time we met, your smile was just you being polite."

You blinked and held a hand near your mouth. He could tell? 

"That's why I always pulled you, because you would be more sincere around me." He fidgeted with the strings on his shirt. "I guess that really did make me a brat, huh..."

He...wanted you to be more sincere around him? "I..." You started but you had no idea what to say. How did you reply to that? That he wanted to see the real you, even if that meant you disliking him. 

Your heart skipped a beat.

Gasping, you took a step back and turned away. "Well, um..." You stuttered nervously. "You...You don't have to tug anymore, okay? We're both soldiers now. I acknowledge you as my comrade in arms and my friend."

"Yes ma'am!"

You turned back to have your breath stolen from you. Eren had given you a magnificent salute with his hand clenched right at his heart, and his smile was almost as blinding as the happiness that shimmered in his eyes.

You were so fucked.

 

* * *

 

 

When Section Commander Hange arrived, they took Captain Levi, Eren, and you to an abandoned well that was far away from the castle. The objective was to put Eren inside the well, and to wait for him to transform once he heard the signal. When Hange shot the flare into the air, nothing happened.

Frowning, you peered inside the well and was met with a horrific sight. Eren, in his desperation to transform, had bit through his hand so much that it resembled a chunk of bloody meat than an actual human appendage. "Eren, stop!" You urged.

"I...I can't transform..." He whispered shakily, eyes wide with apprehension and fear. Tears were leaking from the sides of his eyes, most likely from the pain. His hand bled profusely, staining the bottom of the well with brown spots.

Before you could do anything though, Levi jumped down. "You're filthy..." He remarked, wrapping an arm around the boy before shooting one of his wires up, propelling the two of them out of the well and out into the open again.

Eren collapsed on his knees and clutched his hand to his chest. "Ow..." He winced, occasionally sniffling away his tears.

You bent down to your knees with a roll of bandages. "Give me your hand." You requested gently, and wrapped it around his wound, making sure that it was completely covered.

He watched you quietly, not even caring how red bloomed on the fabric, and when you were done, he leaned his head against your shoulder. "...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed."

You patted him on the back. "Shh, it's okay. We can try again later when you're healed, okay?"

"That's right, Eren." Hange chimed in with a sympathetic smile. "Maybe you're just having an off day. We'll try again tomorrow."

He nodded glumly and followed you all to a nearby table where the rest of the squad waited. When you took a seat, he sat as close as possible without breathing down your neck. You pursed your lips. It would look unprofessional and as Levi had mentioned, playing favorites, but he needed comfort right now so you didn't say anything.

Petra placed a few trays of food on the table. "Cheer up, Eren." She smiled. "Isn't it better that you can't transform? Now people won't be so afraid of you."

"But we need to plug the hole in Shiganshina." Eld reminded her, sipping at his cup. "Having a Titan fight other Titans like he did in Trost would be a big help to the Corps."

"Guys." You chided them before turning to the still silent and sulking teenager. "It's all right, Eren. We can't force you to do anything when we barely understand it ourselves."

"Yeah..." Eren replied dejectedly, picking up his spoon with his good hand. It slipped out of his grasp and onto the grass. "Damn it..." He reached down with his bandaged hand and the second he made contact with it, the world exploded.

"Argh!" You covered your face from the sudden steam and was thrown back by the force of the lightning that had suddenly struck the spot next to you. Falling to the grass, you looked up and froze. Eren's arm had suddenly transformed into a Titan's, and he was desperately trying to pull himself out. "Eren..!" You called out, but Petra immediately took a stance in front of you.

"Eren!" She screamed, swords out. "Why did you transform?!"

"Answer us, Eren!" Gunther yelled, and now that you looked around, everyone had their weapons out and were ready to attack the clearly clueless teenager. "Are you trying to attack us?!"

"No!" Eren screamed, trying to pull his arm out from the gigantic fist. "That was not my intention!"

"Then why did this happen?!" Oluo yelled, bending his knees with his fingers at the triggers. 

"Calm down." Levi commanded them, but everyone was too lost in their panic and fear to hear him. 

"Eren!" Petra yelled. "Are you an enemy?!"

"No, no I'm not!" Eren desperately answered. "Please!" His eyes were wide with fear at the sight of his comrades, their blades poised to kill him.

"Eren!" You yelled, zipping up to the base of his arm. The others screamed at you to get away from him, but how could you? Eren was in danger, not from any Titans, but from your own comrades. They were too lost in their fear, and truthfully, you would've been the same if it wasn't Eren who had transformed.

But it was, and that made all the difference.

"Don't move, I'm going to cut you out." You commanded, using the sharp end of your blade to saw off the flesh that was attached to his arm. It was like it had grown around his human one, and the skin was ridiculously hot like a normal Titan's.

Eren nodded quickly, watching with teary eyes. "Th-Thank you..." He wheezed out, chest heaving from screaming so much.

Soon enough, the muscle fibers had loosened to the point where Eren could pull himself free, and he tumbled down onto the grass. You jumped down with him and held your blades out, ready not to cut him down, but to defend him from your comrades who stared at the two of you like you were monsters. 

"I said calm down!" Levi shouted, raising his voice for once, and the entire squad turned to look at him.

"But Captain-" Oluo began when a scream cut him off.

"WOWWWW!" Hange ran up to the evaporating arm with an excited smile. "This is amazing! Eren, how did you do this?!" They reached out to touch the arm but flinched back, their hand now smoldering with steam. "Owowowoww!! Wow that's hot!"

You could only stare at them and sighed. At least the tension had been diffused.

A tug on your jacket sleeve made you look down and Eren looked up at you with uncertain eyes. "Thank you..." He whispered before directing his gaze down at the ground, clearly hurt from the sheer distrust the squad had for him.

You frowned. Sheathing one of your swords, you patted his head. "I know, Eren. It was an accident."

He leaned closer, relishing your touch, and closed his eyes. "Yeah...I'll do better." He swore. "So that you won't have to fight your own friends for me."

You blinked, your chest fluttering. "...You're my friend too, Eren." You whispered softly. "You're important to me. I won't let anything happen to you, so you shouldn't either."

His eyes flew open and he stared at you, cheeks pink. "...R-Right." He nodded, before getting up on his feet to follow the rest of the squad into the castle. 

It was going to be a long month.

 

* * *

 

 The first time Eren transformed successfully, Hange cried out in joy. "YOOOO EREN, YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!" They screeched, their face red with exhilaration. 

"Rrrgg..." The large Titan rumbled out a greeting.

"Hoh...Not bad." Levi remarked blandly, though there was a glimmer of respect in his half lidded eyes.

You stared at Eren with wide eyes and your mouth agape. He was one of the tallest Titans you had ever seen, a 15 meter, and had the most eye catching features. He had a hook nose right above his lipless mouth. Two rows of teeth extended all the way from the left side of his face to his right, almost completely unhinged. His hair was longer as a Titan and it covered his angular face in thick strands, almost like a mop.

But as always, the one thing you were most drawn to were his eyes, which had turned to focus on you with startling clarity. They were bright and green, and surrounded by a ring of black on his skin. You had never seen a Titan with such clear and beautiful eyes before.

Your captain moved closer to you. "Make sure your blades are ready." He murmured closed to your ear. "In case Eren here decides he's going to lose control. Brat'll probably shit himself inside his neck when he comes to."

You grimaced and lightly pushed him away. "Captain, that's...that's gross."

He snorted rather inelegantly.

Before you could say or do anything else, Eren reached out and took hold of you in one hand. "Wha-?" You gasped as he lifted you up.

"Oi!" Levi shouted, unsheathing his blades. "You shitty brat, we didn't say you could do anything! Put her down!"

"Oohhh?" Hange began writing down notes. "I wonder what he's doing! Moblit, sketch him!!"

"Yes, squad leader!" Their second-in-command immediately began to do as told, taking out his charcoal and paper.

Holding you gingerly in his grasp, Eren lifted you up to face level and you stood up on his palm. "Eren..?" You voiced out, uncertain if it was really him or the Titan overcoming his senses. 

His large pointy ears wiggled and he purred, a deep vibration that began in the pit of his chest. Bringing you closer to his face, his large nose nuzzled against you, almost knocking you down. "H-Hey!" You laughed slightly, bringing a hand up to gently scratch the tip. "Okay, I get it. You want my attention, huh?"

A low whine erupted from his slightly open mouth, and before you could stop him, he licked you from head to toe with his long reptilian-like tongue. "Ugh!" You cringed, now completely covered in hot saliva. "Eren, you brat!"

"UGH!"

You turned around in the large Titan's palm to see your captain almost gagging at the sight of you. "You're filthy..." Levi wheezed, backing away with a disgusted scowl. "Go wash that brat's saliva off of you, right now! That's an order!"

"Yes sir!" You immediately saluted and was about to jump off but Eren enclosed his fingers around you, preventing you from escaping. Pursing your lips, you looked up at him and frowned. "Eren, I have to go shower. You licked me and you know the captain hates filth."

He whined again and nuzzled his cheek against you, his fingers holding you ever so gently. Being held like this was strange, since you would usually be slicing these kinds of fingers away from you. But Eren wasn't a typical Titan. He was your friend, the little boy who never stopped bothering you, the teenager inside a Titan who kept showing you signs of affection-

You felt your face heat up. Oh. Was he...showing you affection as a Titan like how he would tug on you as a human? It was beyond strange to think of a Titan having a crush on a human, but the way he held you like he was afraid you would break if he so much as twitched a pinkie finger, it really showed how much consideration he had for you. He could crush you into mush right now, just a bloodied stain on his palms, or he could throw you into his large mouth.

But no, instead he's nuzzling you like a puppy. Like asking his master, "Am I a good boy?"

You bit your lip, your heart beating a mile a minute. "Eren, you have to let me go now. I'll...I'll play with you later when you're a human, okay?" You whispered, seeing his ears twitch. He grunted in response and held you even closer, his hair creating a curtain to hide you from your superiors' eyes.

Swallowing nervously, you leaned forward and kissed him on his large cheek, wincing at the very hot temperatures of his skin. It was like kissing a cup of boiling hot tea. "Will you let me go now?" You leaned back but much to your surprise, his Titan was...actually blushing? 

His ears wiggled up and down and he nuzzled you once more before slowly and gently placing you back on the ground.

"EREN!" Hange shouted from the roof of the castle. "WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? COULD YOU BE SHOWING SIGNS OF TITAN MATING?"

You cringed and immediately headed toward the women's communal showers, completely mortified at what had just happened.

Did Eren really...like you like that?

Wait. Just before he took hold of you, Levi had been whispering near you. Then when Eren picked you up, his fierce expression changed into a more docile one once you were close to him.

Was he staking his claim..?

"Argh!" You mussed up your hair, aggravated. What was going on anymore? 

 

* * *

 

You sat silently inside your cold room, staring out the window with blank eyes. The cup of tea you had in your hands had long gone cold, and the rain that continued to pelt against the glass reflected the inside of your soul.

You no longer had a roommate.

You no longer had a squad.

The 57th expedition had ended horribly, with half of the Corps being wiped out by that damn Female Titan. So many people had died, only for her to get away in the end. Oluo, Gunther, Eld...

Petra.

You gripped your cup tighter.

Beautiful and kind Petra who never failed to look on the brighter side of things. Petra who you had fought alongside with for 3 grueling years, always coming out on top of those filthy Titans. You were an amazing team, along with Gunther, Eld, and Oluo. You were the best of the best...

And you were the only one left. 

Levi was as immortal as humanity's wish for freedom due to his vastly superior skills, and Eren would never die so long as there was a single Survey Corps soldier left, him being too important to risk.

But you? You were just a soldier, an elite one, but still a regular soldier. You didn't have Levi's immense strength or Eren's ability to transform and heal. The only reason you were still alive right now unlike the rest of your team was because you had been injured by a Titan after the Female had screamed. Because you had stayed behind with the commander and captain to oversee that damn bitch's capture, fully trusting the others to keep Eren safe.

If only...If only...If only...

Someone knocked on the door, but you didn't hear, too embroiled in your thoughts. 

If only you had been there to die alongside them..!

The cup in your hands shattered, spilling cold tea all over your lap and onto the floor. The ceramic shards cut into your palms and sprinkled onto your boots, leaving you in a jumbled mess physically and emotionally.

"Are you okay?!" 

You slowly looked up to see Eren running up to you after slamming the door closed, and quickly knelt beside you to check your hands. "They don't look deep..." He remarked with a worried frown. "Let's wash them out and then we can bandage them."

"Okay." You answered blankly. You honestly couldn't feel anything right now. No pain, no pleasure, nothing. 

 His thick brows furrowed as he looked up at you, peering at your empty expression. "...Are you..." He stopped himself. "No, of course you're not okay. That was stupid of me to ask, I'm sorry." He eyed the mess of tea and ceramic beneath you and stood up. "I'll go grab a rag and broom to clean this up, just sit tight."

"...Eren." You spoke up, freezing him in place. "It's okay, don't worry so much about me."

"...How could I not?" Eren whispered, his hands clenching into tight fists at his sides. "Because of me, you..." He whirled around to show his misty emerald greens, his brows furrowed up with guilt. "Because of me, you lost all your friends! If only I had transformed sooner, they would still be alive!" He shouted, tears streaming down his face. "I made the wrong choice and...and..." His breath got caught in his throat. "It cost you everything. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Your heart hurt.

Standing up from your chair, you slowly walked up to him and wrapped your arms around him. He quieted, but his tears continued, hot droplets landing on your shoulder. "...I won't say it's okay." You whispered, leaning against his neck and under his chin. He was warm, so warm. "But we can't change the past. I have lost dozens of comrades over the years of my service, and I'll lose more. It always hurts."

His arms slowly came up to wrap around your smaller waist, and he nestled himself in the junction of your shoulder, stifling his cries. "...But I forgot that you had never experienced this before." You murmured. "You're new to this kind of loss. It's okay to cry for them, Eren. Because we lived, we can carry them with us in our hearts." Levi had uttered these words to you before, when your original squad leader had died. "We just need to make sure they didn't die in vain, that we keep going to achieve our goals...That's what they would want."

His breath hitched and he held you as tightly as he could, desperation and grief mixing together into his tears. "...Don't leave me too." He whispered, his lips ghosting the sensitive skin of your shoulder. "I...I can't...Not you too..."

"Eren..." You closed your eyes and surrendered to your tears. "I will die someday too. It could be tomorrow, next month on the next expedition, or years from now. It's just a fact when it comes to our jobs."

"Please..." He sobbed, his hands clutching your shirt like a lifeline. "I can't lose you too..." He leaned back, tilting his head down to capture your lips in a frenzied need.

Your eyes widened but...

Why bother denying it anymore? You both could die any day now, so...why not enjoy what little happiness you can find?

Tilting your head up, you kissed him back, pouring every ounce of reassurance and understanding that you can into the action. It was at an awkward angle, and when he had pressed his lips against yours, teeth had clacked uncomfortably, but it didn't matter. For all his ferocity and strength, Eren was still only 15, and he needed comfort. He needed _your_ comfort.

Tearing away with a gasp, Eren stepped back, his face red and stained with tears. "I...I'm sorry, I was out of line..."

Sighing, you walked over to your bed and took a seat. Holding out your arms, you gestured for him to join you. He hesitated, but dragged his feet over until he took a seat next to you. Your arms immediately embraced him and you tugged him into your chest, right next to your heart. "Listen, Eren." You instructed, ignoring his flaming red face.

Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

His eyes widened before slowly closing, and he wrapped his arms around you once more. "You're alive...I...I lo-like you a lot..." He murmured, nuzzling against you just as he had done as a Titan. "For a long time now. I don't think you ever noticed though..." His hand gripped your waist. "But after what happened, I...I don't want to regret not saying anything."

"...That's understandable." You murmured, leaning your cheek against the top of his head. "I don't want to regret anything, either."

Eren stilled for a moment before he looked up at you. "Does that mean...?" He left the question open, but the hope and doubt and uncertainty in his eyes spoke for him.

You smiled slightly, but it was genuine. How could you not? He had wormed his way into your heart by being an attention seeking brat. He had grown up from a loud boy into a loud teenager who fought passionately and valiantly for his comrades. He treated you like you were the most special person in the world to him, and sought your attention every chance he could. His eyes were the first thing to enchant you and his heart was the latest thing to ensnare you.

"I love you too." You answered simply but warmly, watching as his face went beet red to the point where you swore you could see steam rise off his cheeks.

"I-I-I..." He stammered but he swallowed and leaned up to capture your lips in a hesitant but hopeful kiss. It was clumsy and it felt like mushing soft flesh together, but for some reason, it was nice.

And you felt warm again.

 

* * *

 

 

Since then, neither of you had had a moment's time together. Immediately after returning and resting at Headquarters, the Military Police demanded another trial to decide on Eren's fate. Commander Erwin however, thought up a different plan. If the man wasn't a commander, you would've assumed him as a gambler for how often his plans hinged on uncertain circumstances.

One of the new recruits, Jean, played as a decoy, while Eren, Armin, and Mikasa lured the person suspected to be the Female Titan. Another 104th trainee. Just how many of them turned out to be Shifters?

The answer was 5, apparently.

Eren Jaeger, Annie Leonhart, Reiner Braun, Bertholt Hoover, and Ymir.

As your captain would say if he were here, "What a fucking shitshow." 

The moment Eren had been defeated and kidnapped by that damn Armored Titan, it took everything inside you not to go after them yourself. There was no horse on the other side of the Wall, and you didn't have enough gas to make it to them _and_ fight. The only thing to do was wait for reinforcements. 

In the meanwhile, you sat down and observed Mikasa's unconscious face. "You've all grown up..." You murmured.

Armin looked up from his spot on the other side of his sleeping comrade and nodded mutely.

"Chin up, Armin." You reassured him, though you weren't sure if it was really for him or for you. "Eren will never give up. They won't kill him either."

"I know..." He whispered into his knees. "It's just...He's always run ahead, even when we were kids. It feels like he's running away from us...Most of the time he was running to _you_."

You chuckled weakly. "Attention seeking brat." You remarked fondly. "You always did your best to rein him in, and Mikasa did her best to protect him. I'm glad he has you two at his side."

"...Me too." Armin admitted. "I'm glad we have you."

You blinked. "Me?"

He nodded, and gave you a weak smile. "When Eren met up with us again after the trial, he was almost glowing with happiness. He told us he had found you again, and that you two were finally equals- well, not really. You're still our superior..."

"Only in terms of experience and service time." You reminded him. "I'm still at the same level of authority as you new recruits."

Armin chuckled weakly. "I guess so...It's good to have you back. You were always our big sister, though I don't think Eren ever saw you like that."

"Eren..."

You both looked down to see Mikasa had awaken and was staring blankly up at the sky. "Eren always searched for you." She whispered. "Even during training, he would go, 'We'll join the Survey Corps and find her again. I know she's there, I'm sure of it.' He never gave up on you..." She sat up and wrapped her scarf around her neck before directing a terrifying glare at you. "So why aren't you chasing him? Are you giving up on him?"

Taken aback, you could only stare at her agape. "What? I'm not. There's no logical way of getting to him right now. If I went out there without a horse, I'd run out of gas before I even found him, let alone be able to fight all the Titans along the way." You argued. "They won't kill him, he's too valuable, and those two fucking Shifters just spent a whole day without food or water. They're not going far, and we'll be able to catch up as soon as reinforcements arrive."

Mikasa regarded you with cool eyes before the facade crumbled. "...Really?" She asked, as meek as a child.

You nodded solemnly. "Eren's health, safety, and happiness are my top priorities..." You swallowed nervously. "I promise, I will do everything I can for him."

"Because you love him." Mikasa stated, Armin reddening behind her.

"...Yes." You answered moments later, closing your eyes. "It's technically not allowed in the Military to fraternize with your fellows, but as a Corps soldier, any day could be our last. I- We didn't want to waste our time waiting."

"Ain't that the truth." Hannes walked up with a tired chuckle. "You better not let any superiors see it, or else you'll get written up. Happened to me when I still lived as a good ole bachelor."

You snorted. "Nice. Glad to know you haven't really changed either, Mr. Hannes."

He ruffled your hair which undid your messy bun, and dropped three rations in your laps. "Eat up, or you'll regret goin' out there after Eren on an empty stomach. He's depending on you guys."

"The choice with least regrets." Armin concluded quietly. "I respect that."

"...I as well." Mikasa smiled slightly before turning to face out toward Maria territory. "Eren...Wait for us."

You looked out toward the horizon as well, and hoped that you would be able to save him. You didn't want to lose him, not now. Not when you barely had any time with him as it was, what with how crazy everything had been. There had been no break, no time to even exchange a secret kiss or two. 

There was only fighting, and if there was anything you were good at, it was that.

To survive is to win, as Eren would say.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren clung tightly to you on the way back to Wall Rose. You were covered in scratches, cuts, and stained with blood but he didn't care. The only thing he cared about was making sure the people precious to him were alive, that you were still alive and breathing after everything that had happened. "How..." He whispered, tightening his grip around your waist as the horse galloped alongside your comrades. "How did I do that?"

"...Who knows." You answered vaguely, exhausted to the bone. Your younger lover now had the power to control Titans, how frightening. "I guess you're more special than we thought."

"...That Titan." He began. "The blonde one with the smile...That was the one who ate my mom, 5 years ago."

Your eyes flew wide. "That one ate Ms. Carla..?" You breathed out in shock. 

His grip tightened more, almost bruising, and he hid his face in the back of your neck. "...And now Mr. Hannes, too." He wept, his warm tears sliding down your back. "Why...Why am I always such a failure? Why can't I save even one person?!"

"Eren..." You whispered, heart weary and hurting. He was still so innocent that every loss was a raw wound upon his spirit. "...Death comes for us all. One day, all of us will die-"

"I know that!" He cut you off, seeking your warmth to reassure him of your continued existence. "But...There has to be some way to save people. People call me 'Humanity's Hope' but whose? I'm not saving anyone- my continued existence is actively getting people killed! Even Commander Erwin..."

You glanced over at said man who had a tourniquet applied to his missing right arm. You had always thought he was invincible; never getting injured, never seen eating, never slept. Now he's severely crippled in his abilities to be a soldier, and you had no idea what to think anymore. "...He made his choice, Eren. He went after you because you are our hope."

"...Am I really." He asked dejectedly. "I don't think I should be anyone's hope..."

"You're mine." You confessed quietly, turning your head just enough to give him a sad smile. "So please, don't give up."

He stared at you with wide eyes and finally let himself cry. He leaned in to give you a kiss, so chaste but so full of appreciation and thankfulness that it left you speechless. Parting away, he pushed his face into your cloak and remained that way for the rest of the ride. 

You turned your attention back to the front. Even though you had lost so many comrades today, and even though your body ached with something fierce from fighting off so many Titans to get to Eren, you were content.

So long as he was alive, you could keep going too.

 

* * *

 

 

"Let's make a new promise." You spoke up a few days later when you had retired to your bed for the night in the old cottage. 

Eren looked up from his lap, freshly washed and dressed in sleepwear. "A new promise?" He asked, still subdued from before.

"Remember when you made me promise that we would meet again as soldiers?" You smiled fondly, hugging your knees on the bed. "That was fulfilled a few months ago. We should make a new promise."

He blinked before slightly smiling himself. "Like what?"

"Hmm...How about we promise each other to keep on living?" You proposed. "No matter what, even if one of us dies."

He shot upward. "What?! The hell kind of promise is that supposed to be?" He glared lightly at you. "You're never dying of anything except old age. You're too skilled to die."

You couldn't help but chuckle. "Eren...You can't believe that."

"I can." He said stubbornly.

"And why is that?"

"Because I love you."

You paused. He hadn't actually said love before, even though you knew of his true affections for you. He had always been too embarrassed and shy to say it, even when you said it. For him to say it now, even though it warmed your heart and sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach, you knew it was because he really needed reassurance. "Sure, your love will keep me immortal."

Eren nodded, completely serious. "You can bet on that."

You snorted. "Eren, you can't be serious. Immortality isn't real, even for Titans. One day, I will die-"

"Stop saying that!" He tackled you with his hand over your mouth and you fell back onto the bed with an oomph. "I'm sick of you always bringing that up!" He shouted in your face, green eyes lit up with anger and hurt. "Death this, death that, well I'm sick of it! Please just..." He faltered and leaned closer, taking his hand away from your mouth. Your breaths mingled, lips almost touching. "Just let me enjoy my time with you for as long as I can." He whispered before closing the distance between the two of you.

Your eyes fluttered shut and you kissed him back, silently apologizing for always being so negative. He was right, you brought up the inevitability of death all the time as a way to explain all the injustice that had happened, to you and your comrades. It wasn't fair to him that you kept reminding him that you would die, probably sooner than him. 

His hands began to fumble around your waist, a finger stroking the strip of skin between your shirt and your dress. You moaned softly at the teasing touch, placing one hand on the back of his neck, and he _shuddered_. 

A scuffle from outside the flimsy door reminded you exactly where you were and how many people were going to be sleeping in the same room, and so you reluctantly pushed your lover away. "Eren, we can't do anything more." You whispered between breaths, lips plush and cheeks red. "You need your strength for tomorrow's experiments."

Pouting, Eren reluctantly sat up, straddling your hips. "We haven't gone that far before..." He muttered almost petulantly, looking away. "Are we ever going to...you know..."

"I know, what?" You teased, sitting up so you could be closer to him. "Are you asking if we are ever going to have sex?" You whispered seductively into his ears, feeling more than seeing the blood rush into his face and other parts of his body. "You want your naughty way with me? Hm? Is that it, _E-ren_?" You pushed up against him, making sure your breasts would press against his firm chest. "Is this what you want?"

"I...I..." He squeaked, his shaking arms tugging you closer, so close that you could feel something hard nudge against your stomach, and you moaned. "Why are you torturing me like this?" He whined, pressing his face into your neck.

"Because you're so innocent." You replied with a wicked grin. "I would've thought you had your fill of messing around during training."

"...No."

You blinked, taken aback. "Wait, really?"

You felt him pout. "I never fooled around. I trained hard so I could graduate with the skills I needed to kill Titans."

"Huh..." He was even more innocent than you ever thought he was. "So...Am I your first?"

"...Pretty much, yeah." He muttered. "First love, first kiss...first...um..."

Chuckling, you finally pushed him off. "Not today, Eren. You should be resting anyway, I shouldn't be stressing you out like this."

He pouted but fell back down on the bed, stretching himself out. "Did you..?"

"Did I what?"

Biting his lip, Eren looked away dejectedly. "I'm not your first, am I." He muttered.

Sighing, you caressed his cheek. "...No." You admitted honestly. "When you're fighting for your life out there, you take comfort wherever you can. If it helps, it was only once or twice."

"...Who was your first?"

"Err..." You looked away with an awkward expression. "You really want to know?"

He pouted. "No, not really. It doesn't matter anymore, right?" He took your hand and placed it on top of his heart. "You didn't like- love them like you do me...right?"

You smiled fondly and gave him a chaste peck. "Right."

"...Promise me this." He began.

"Hm?"

"Promise that you'll live for me." He gripped your hand tighter. "Promise to always be by my side."

You softened. Still so naive. "...I promise." You answered a few moments later. "You better do the same. Promise me that you'll live, and to always come back to me."

Eren grinned, his emerald eyes finally shining again. "Promise."

 

* * *

 

When you asked Eren to always come back to you, you didn't mean he should leave you first.

Damn the Military Police.

"Fuck fuck fuck..." You cursed, trying to catch up to the cart that was being driven away, Historia and Eren unconscous in the back. "Captain!"

"I'm here!" Levi yelled back, flying just as fast if not faster than you on his wires. "I'll take the driver out. Take the other guy!"

"Roger!" You immediately swooped in and launched your wire at one of your enemies, wincing when you felt more than saw it go through his abdomen. You retracted your wire and let the body fly by you, already dead. 

Landing on the cart, you took hold of the horse's reins and tried to urge it to stop or to divert its path, but something collided with you and you were launched out of the wagon and rolled onto the ground. You cried out in pain, shoulder dislocated. 

Levi landed next to you and helped you up. "We're too late..." He cursed before taking hold of your arm. "Hold still."

You yelped when you felt crippling pain through your arm as he pushed it back into its socket. "Eren..." You panted, scrambling to get to your feet. "Eren!" But it was too late. The wagon had already been driven through the gate into Wall Rose, followed by other mysterious agents using modified ODM gear.

How many times would he be taken from you? 

How many times until one day, he won't come back?

You narrowed your eyes and followed your captain back to the warehouse. No matter what, you will do anything to get him back. 

He had promised you, and you had promised him.

And you never broke your promises to him.

Once Hange met up with your squad, you immediately set off to the lone church north inside Sina territory. It was night now, which meant it would be hard to locate any enemies, but Levi and Mikasa's superior instincts kept you all safe, and you couldn't be more thankful that they were on your side. 

You gripped the handles of your sword tightly. Eren...was going to be eaten by Historia? Because she's of royal blood, and he's not, and therefore Rod Reiss wanted her to regain the power of the Titan back through her. It meant that people, humans, could turn into Titans, and once they devoured a Shifter, they would be able to gain control of transforming.

What a load of fucking bullshit.

You killed those men earlier because they were attacking you, because they had taken Eren away from you. But to find out that every Titan you had ever killed used to be a human...How did this happen? Was humanity cursed?

"We're here." Levi announced quietly, jumping out of the side of the wagon. You followed, along with the rest of the squad made up of 104th recruits. The plan was to roll barrels of explosives down into the mysterious basement, and the explosive would release smoke that concealed your infiltration. Because of the limitations of the Anti-Human ODM gear, it meant that so long as you could get behind them, they wouldn't be able to shoot you while also maintaining altitude.

And so you killed. 

You zipped behind each agent and cut them down, chanting to yourself that they had taken Eren away. You weren't killing innocent people. Many of these people had killed your comrades. Nifa. Lauda. Half of Hange's squad had been wiped out by them. 

The cavern was bright with glimmering blue crystals covering every surface, even the stairs leading down, and you knew this place had been built by something not human. It wasn't a naturally occurring cavern. 

Getting to Eren was difficult, especially so once Hange was injured. Armin and Moblit carried them while the squad proceeded forward, only to find the way blocked. 

"Damn it...There must be a way through." Levi muttered, sharp eyes darting around for another way in. 

A large tremor shook the earth underneath you and you placed your feet wide apart. "What's happening..?!"

Orange light glowed from beyond the netting that blocked your way, and the signature sound of a human turning into a Titan rumbled out in the form of lightning and thunder. "A shifter..?" Armin speculated. "Did Eren break free?" 

You could only hope.

When a shortcut had been revealed due to the earthquakes, you quickly darted through it, ignoring the agents who were hooked onto various pillars throughout the cavern. Flying deeper, you lit up with relief when you saw him. Eren!

He was chained up with his hands bandaged to prevent him from transforming, and he was kneeling on an extended crystal platform in only his pants. Historia was behind him, trying to unlock all the cuffs on his body. His forehead had been sliced and a thick layer of blood oozed down his face, red contrasting with his watery green eyes. He was crying?

"Eren!" You shouted, landing next to him. Another explosion of lightning from the transforming Titan threatened to crumble the cavern around you, but you didn't care.

"Get out of here!" Eren urged you desperately. "I'm not worth it! Just let him eat me!" He sobbed, his head bowed. "I was always a mistake, this never should've happened...I should never have existed!-"

You slapped him. "Shut up!" You screamed, tears streaming down your face as well. How dare he say such horrible things about himself when he had promised that he would stay with you no matter what. "We're getting you out! Jean, grab his other arm! Captain, get his foot!" 

"Got it!" Jean took the keys and began to fumble around for the right one.

"You're such a hassle, Eren..." Levi murmured, eyes trained on the absolutely immense Titan that was still growing and growing. 

"No, just let me die here!" Eren wept, not an ounce of fight within him. "If you don't leave now, the cave will trap you too!"

With the right arm unlocked, Jean threw the keys to the captain who unlocked the shifter's left foot. With all his appendages free, your squad stepped back as far as possible and could only watch the light show that was Rod Reiss.

Eren trembled and slid down to the floor. "Everyone, I'm sorry..." His voice trembled with every breath he took. "Because of me, you're going to die here..."

You let out a harsh sigh and knelt down next to him. "Eren." You called out roughly, his watery eyes meeting your stone hard ones. "Are you really going to just give up like this? What happened to fighting?!" You shouted. "We fought to save you. I fought to get you back! We've come so far...So what if you weren't supposed to have this power?! YOU HAVE IT!"

"IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE MINE!" He shouted, clenching his eyes shut as he clung to you, tugging you closer. "IF MY DAD HAD NEVER STOLEN THIS POWER, HUMANITY WOULD'VE BEEN SAVED! I'M A FRAUD AND A MISTAKE!" He sobbed into your chest. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry that I'm me."

You bit your lip, fighting back your tears. "I'm not." You whispered, his head shooting up to look at you. "I'm not sorry at all that you're you, you annoying attention seeking brat. I love you, Eren. So please, keep up your promise to us."

"I..." He breathed out, eyes wide.

"Eren, don't give up!" Sasha shouted, holding an arm up to shield herself from the heat. "I don't want to die here!"

"Eren!" Mikasa yelled, holding her blades out. "We believe in you!"

"Eren, you suicidal bastard!" Jean griped, teeth clenched. "Some help would be nice!"

"Yeah, it's not like you ever accomplished anything on your own." Connie joked weakly, sweat dripping down his forehead. "So c'mon Eren! Don't be such a weakling now!"

"Eren..." Levi spoke up, brows furrowed. "I hate doing this to you again, but...You have to make the choice."

"Eren..."  You whispered. "To lose is to die, to fight is to win. If you don't fight, you can't win! SO FIGHT!"

Eren's eyes darted from you, to Sasha, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Levi, and you again, before he clenched his teeth and ran forward. "HAAAAHHHH!!!" He screamed, biting down on a bottle of mysterious liquid.

The world lit up and you knew no more.

 

* * *

 

 

"You almost gave up back there..." You murmured, one hand caressing the top of his head. It was nice to have a break again two days later, even in temporary quarters inside Orvud District.

Eren stayed silent, but he clung to you for dear life. 

"What happened to the kid who always shouted he would kill all the Titans?" You teased lightly, trying to make him smile, laugh, even a twitch, anything other than this pensive Eren. After the incident under the church where Historia chose her friends over the good of humanity, he had been so quiet. You couldn't see any of the passion that always lit up his eyes, none of the rage he held for Titans, or even the clear adoration he had for you.

It was like he was a shell of his own self, completely burnt out, and it worried you to no end.

"...He's still here." Eren murmured into your shoulder. "I just..."

"Mm?" You lightly embraced him, one hand stroking his back.

"...That moment, when you all encouraged me to keep fighting," He mumbled. "I just wanted to believe in myself for once. Everyone's always saving me. Mikasa, Captain Levi, you...I haven't done a single good thing for anyone. I never understood why people kept dying for me..." His arms tightened around you. "And after learning that I was never supposed to have this power, I really don't believe I should be the one to have it anymore. Historia should've eaten me."

"Do I need to slap you again?" You bit out, pushing him back so you could see his glum face. "Historia made her choice. Are you going to say she's wrong?"

"No, she can decide what she wants!" He quickly backtracked. "But...I don't know anymore." He stared down at his hands with a pensive frown. "What is my purpose? Why did dad steal that power just to give it to me..?"

"Because he trusted you." You answered simply, watching as he gave you a look of disbelief. "It's true. You're his son. There was no one else he could trust, right? He put his hopes and dreams on your shoulders."

"Maybe he shouldn't have..." Eren muttered. "It's not like I'm anything special. I'm not strong like Mikasa or captain, I'm not smart like Armin, I'm not as experienced as you...Why do I even bother trying?"

You were at the end of your rope and decided, fuck it. "Shut up and stop throwing yourself a pity party." You snapped, taking him by his shoulders and shook him roughly. "So what if this power was never meant to be yours? It is now. Your dad trusts you, and he didn't steal that power for no reason. Historia made her choice to save us instead of fooling humanity again. If you really believe that you're worthless, then I want you to tell me that you don't love me."

"What?!" He yelped and scrambled to sit up, staring at you with wide eyes. "But I do!"

"If you say your existence has no meaning, then you don't really have feelings for me." You pointed out. "You promised that you would live and come back to me, no matter what. So why are you going back on it all now, just because you learned something about your circumstances? Does it really change anything?"

"...No." Eren concluded. "I'm still me..." He looked up at you with a heartbreaking smile. "I still love you. Nothing really has changed, has it?"

You smiled as well. "Right. So what if you're not of royal blood? If Dr. Jaeger hadn't stolen that power, we would all still be living in ignorance and Historia would probably still be on her farm with no one to love her." Reaching out to your younger lover, you cradled him in your arms. "...You're also wrong when you say you're worthless."

"How so?" He blinked up at you with large inquiring eyes.

"You're worth everything to me." You confessed warmly, watching his face redden. "I love you because you're you."

He hugged you back, stuffing his face in your shoulder. "I love you too." He whispered blissfully. "I've always loved you..."

"Even as kids?" You teased. 

"Even then!" He nodded seriously. "I wanted your attention, your friendship, your affection..." He leaned in closer, your breaths mingling. "I want your everything." He whispered, closing the distance between the two of you.

Moaning softly, your eyes fluttered close. Finally, Eren was Eren again. Nothing could make you happier than knowing he had found himself again.

He gently pushed you down on the bed and straddled you. Your arms lifted up and encircled around his neck, your short nails lightly scratching the skin there, and his entire body shuddered. "I-I'm sensitive there..." He whispered, cheeks stained with red.

"Oh?" You smiled slyly and leaned up to kissed his Titan's weak spot, feeling him turn to goo in your arms. "I'll be sure to take advantage of that."

"Hey..." Eren weakly protested, pushing you back down. You landed on your back and you could only stare at this boy- no, this _man_ , who looked at you as if you were his greatest treasure. "...I want you." He confessed breathlessly, one of his hands reaching down to the hem of your shirt, his fingers lightly tracing the skin there. "I want you...so much."

"How much do you want me?" You breathed, your heart beating faster in your chest. Was he really asking to take that next step?

He leaned down to capture your lips in a searing kiss. There wasn't much technique, but it was passionate and hot and rough. It was so purely Eren. "...I have dreams about you." He breathed out. "Where I would take off your clothes and ravish your body. I would worship you and adore you, and you would ride me until you came."

Your breath hitched and a warmth pooled in your lower abdomen. Where was this coming from? How did an innocent 15 year old virgin know how to say such dirty things? "Eren..." You moaned, one hand going underneath his shirt to feel his rock hard abdomen. You were too focused then, but when you saw him shirtless and chained down in that cavern, you couldn't help but admire just how muscular he was. He was still growing too, but you were already at your tallest.

"I want to be inside you," He continued in loving murmurs, placing light kisses down your neck and around your collarbones. "I want to show everyone that you're mine. I want to claim you, as both a human and a Titan. I want your body, your heart, everything that you can give me, I will devour it."

You shuddered underneath him. You felt like you were cornered prey with a predator at your throat, ready to eat you. "Eren..." You whispered, your hands coming up to unbutton your shirt. "...Take me." 

You thought you should wait for him to be ready, after all you were older and therefore the more mature one. Hearing those words leave his mouth, feeling his lips kiss your skin, and his hands stroking your sides, you couldn't deny him. 

His eyes lit up and he looked down at your chest, red staining his cheeks. "Wow..." He breathed, his hands coming up to lightly cup your breasts. You moaned appreciatively and his eyes flickered up to you, noting your reaction. His hands squeezed the supple flesh and he leaned down to hesitantly lick a nipple, coating it in a thick layer of hot saliva.

"Ah- Eren..." You whimpered, holding his head closer. "More..."

Perking up at your encouragements, he eagerly lapped at the little nubs, occasionally sucking and even lightly biting between his teeth. Your hands couldn't help but wander down his shoulders, admiring his perfect deltoids. Your nails lightly traced his skin and he shivered, moaning against your breast. His shoulders were quite broad already, but he was still growing.

Giving you one last lick, he trailed kisses down your firm stomach and his hands played with the band of your long skirt. He looked up at you once more and after seeing you nod, he slowly pulled it down, showing your most intimate area, your inner thighs already slick with arousal.

Eren stared down at the junction of your thighs with wide eyes, just taking in the soft pinks and reds. "...It's pretty." He whispered, leaning closer to inhale deeply like a beast.

You bit your lip and spread your legs a little more. "Eren...Do you see how wet I am for you?"

"I do..." He answered, his pupils blown wide with lust. "Is that really because of me?"

"Mhm." You confirmed, sitting up to press yourself against him. "Eren..." You moaned, lips capturing his. Your tongues danced around each other while your hand wandered down to his zipper, feeling the hard bulge underneath. He was hard for you, and judging from the curve, he was a good size for his age. 

Your fingers latched onto the zipper and slowly pulled it down, freeing his erection from its confines. He moaned weakly against your lips, but he didn't tell you to stop, instead his own hands fondled your body, familiarizing himself with it. His hand squeezed your breast while the other massaged your hip, and you pulled down his underwear and looked down.

You were right. He was a good size and girth for his age, not too big and not too small. It was a nice pinkish tan color, with a darker brown vein running up the underside. The tip was a darker pink, and was already leaking clear fluid on top.

Unable to help yourself, you bent down and licked the tip. "Ah-!" Eren let out a loud moan, and covered his face in embarrassment. "Please..." He didn't say to keep going or stop.

Chuckling, you engulfed him in your mouth and savored the bitter taste. His cock was heavy on your tongue and it jerked in the warm and wet environment. "Aaahh..." He shuddered, one hand on top of your head. Bobbing your head, you made sure he was well lubricated with your saliva, and your tongue teased the skin between his length and his tip.

"Ah, I-I'm close..." Eren whispered.

Immediately, you leaned away, his cock leaving your mouth with a pop. He whined at the loss of heat but quieted when you straddled his hips. His hands immediately fell onto your hips and he stared down at his lap with wide eyes, your entrance just barely grazing his tip.

"Are you ready?" You whispered, tilting his head up with both your hands.

He leaned in closer to your palms and shakily nodded. "I want to make you feel good, too..."

You smiled. He was so sweet. Lowering your hips, you moaned softly when his tip pressed against your entrance, gasping when it entered inside you. It had been a long time since you had been so intimate with someone and it showed with your trembling thighs. "Eren...You're big." You whispered, pressing your breasts against him.

He gasped for breath. "This-This is torture..." He hissed, watching attentively at how you slowly took his cock inside you. "You're so hot...It feels so good inside you."

You shuddered at his words, instinctively tightening around him, and he let out a loud moan. "Ah!" You yelped when he jerked his hips up, his cock now fully seated inside you. It was like a hot rod, burning you with intense pleasure. "Eren..." You panted. "Move."

Biting his lip, he nodded jerkily and pulled your hips down so you were flush against his pelvis. You covered your mouth with one hand, trying to stifle your cries. It would be bad if anyone else heard you guys.

He lifted you up slightly and let you sink back down onto him. There wasn't really a rhythm, it was just desperate pushing and skin slapping. Sweat covered your bodies, making it easier for you to slide against him, and you could only moan as you rode him. "Eren...Eren...You're doing so good." You praised him, watching his red cheeks darken even further. "You feel so good inside me, please. Harder..!"

Clenching his teeth, he wrapped his arms around you and threw you back onto the bed. You let out a surprised oomph, but you didn't mind when he lifted your legs and began to pound into you. "Eren..!" You cried out, wrapping your legs around his hips, encouraging him to go deeper. "More..!"

He panted your name into your ear, like a worshiping chant. "I'm so close...Are you?" He asked shakily, his hips jerking and slapping against you.

You bit your lip. Truthfully, you wanted more, but he wasn't experienced enough to know all your good spots. "Here." You guided one of his hands to the little button above where he entered you. "Rub there, but not too hard." 

He did as he was told and you immediately arched your back at the pleasure that shot through you. "Ah!" You moaned, and he took that as a good sign and continued to tease your clit, all the while his cock entered you at a quick pace. 

"I-I...I can't hold it anymore!" Eren cried out, his abdomen clenching taunt. You gasped when you felt hot liquid pour inside you and you instinctively tightened around him, triggering your own orgasm.

Your moans mixed together inside the sex-charged room, him emptying inside you and your entire body shuddering from pleasure.

He collapsed on top of you as a panting mess, and you tiredly wrapped your arms around him while he softened inside you. "Satisfied?" You asked breathlessly.

"That was..." He swallowed. "That was amazing. Um..." He pushed himself up and gave you a small shy smile. "Was it good for you?"

You smiled warmly and nodded. "Yeah, you did well, Eren."

He beamed, and you could almost imagine puppy ears and a tail wagging behind him. "I'm glad. I know I'm still inexperienced..." He leaned closer and pressed his forehead to yours, staring straight into your eyes. "But I'll learn. I'll learn how to make you feel good, what your favorite places are, and how to make you scream." He whispered eagerly, smirking down at your blushing face. "I may be younger, but I have lots of stamina."

You already knew that judging by how he had already started hardening inside you. You were a little tired and sore, but how could you ever deny him? "Oh?" You raised your brow and smiled seductively. "Show me what a youngster like you can do then." You joked, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

He leaned in to peck your lips. "Yes, ma'am!" 

 

* * *

**851**

When you finally took back Wall Maria, it was a bittersweet day. Commander Erwin's funeral had taken place, along with the hundred or so soldiers they had lost in the battle against the Armored, Colossal, and Beast Titan. Armin had ended up inheriting the Colossal Titan, which meant they now had two Shifters on their side. 

If only that had meant good news.

Reiner and Zeke had escaped, and you didn't have the resources to go after them. Not when your commander was dead and your forces decimated. Even those from the Military Police and Garrison who had been drafted. 

Then finding out that what you thought was the last of humanity, was just a small percentage of the world. Your home was an island, a piece of land surrounded by the ocean and neighbored by much larger masses of land that had "countries" in them. These countries were constantly at war with one another, specifically with Marley who used Titans as a weapon of war. 

Your race of humans were called "Eldians," Ymir's people who had the potential to turn into Titans. Apparently, not all humans were capable of being turned into a giant man eating monster, just your people. That was why the first king, King Fritz the 145th, had taken his most loyal of people and placed them inside the Walls. He wiped their memories and made them believe that they were the last of humanity. The Walls were people turned into Colossal Titans who hardened into a seamless barrier. 

Everything had been a lie, and Dr. Jaeger had been the one to tell them everything through his journals.

Queen Historia had congratulated you all for winning back their taken territory, but even she wasn't really that happy when there were only 10 members left in the Survey Corps.

And it was those 10 members who traveled outside of Wall Maria for the first time in 6 years. All the Titans on the island had been confirmed to be exterminated now, meaning it was safe to travel outside. 

You glanced over at Eren, who had stayed quiet. His hair had grown a little longer, framing his lower cheeks now. In the last couple of months, he had grown another two inches, meaning he was even taller than you. No longer did he explode from anger, or shouted, or any such extreme examples of emotion. He was a lot calmer now, more speculative of the world around him. He had mentioned he had inherited some of his father's memories, finding out that his father had inherited the Attack Titan from a man named Eren Kruger, his namesake, and then the Founding Titan from Frieda Reiss. Meaning Eren had two Titan powers within him.

And only 8 years left to live.

Just remembering that sent a pang to your chest. It seemed like you would outlive him instead, but you didn't want to accept that. He was so young, still so innocent in terms of experience in life. Even though you were 18, you felt almost 10 years older with what you had experienced. You always felt responsible for him, always wanted to protect him from the evil of the world.

But you didn't know the world either.

"Over there!" Hange shouted, and you looked forward to see a weird manmade stone platform. It surrounded the sandy dunes like steep cliffs, keeping everything within the island.

"That's where my dad had landed from Marley." Eren murmured, getting off his horse.

You followed him, along with Armin, Mikasa, and the rest of the Levi squad. Beyond the stone wall was a large expanse of water, the same color as Eren's eyes. You couldn't see any ends or other pieces of land. Everything was water, and it was magnificent.

You took off your boots and slowly waded into the water, admiring how the sand swam around your ankles and the little rock-like things crawling around. "What is that?" You asked, fascinated. 

"I think it's some kind of sea animal!" Armin explained excitedly, eyes wide with amazement. "This is amazing!"

"Whoa, it's all salty!" Hange exclaimed after tasting the water.

Levi grimace. "Hange, don't touch the water. It might be dirty."

"Whaaa, it's cold!" Sasha screeched, getting away from Connie who splashed her.

Eren silently waded further away, eyes trained on the horizon where the sun rose from.

"Armin, are you sure it's safe?" Mikasa asked, eyes wide with surprise as she walked into the water. "It's so cold..."

You looked over at your lover. "Eren?" You questioned softly.

"...I always thought that the Titans were the enemies who kept us from the ocean. That the ocean meant freedom." Eren began quietly. "But I was wrong." He turned to all of you with a sorrowful frown. "Beyond the ocean...are enemies who all want us dead." 

"Eren..." You frowned, wading up to wrap your arms around him. "...Let's enjoy this. We don't know if everyone out there really wants us dead. The journals said Marley wasn't the only 'country' out there, that there are many more. Not everyone wants to fight." You didn't want to fight anymore. You wanted to rest. You wanted to spend the rest of Eren's life with him, to make sure he was happy, safe, and healthy until his years were up. Maybe even begin a family with him.

You were tired, but your lover was still too young and full of life.

"...For now." Eren agreed, before a small smile appeared on his face and he reached down to splash you.

"Hey!" You laughed, splashing him back. 

Later that night, you guys built a bonfire right there on the beach with some discarded wood. You tried to fish, but they were so strange from freshwater fishes that none of you were sure if they were safe to eat, so you just stuck with the jerky and rations in your bag.

Eren sat a little farther away, and you joined him, leaning into his side. His arm came up to wrap around your shoulders and you realize that he wasn't just taller now, but broader as well. His arm was almost twice the size of yours. "You're a man now." You pointed out cheekily, poking his bicep.

He snorted softly. "Am I? I still feel like a child, ignorant of everything."

You frowned. He wasn't the only one. Everyone within the Walls was akin to an ignorant and naive child, unaware of the big wide world outside. "...Oh really now? Maybe we shouldn't be seeing each other, you'll make me feel old." You joked lightly. "I'm almost a decade older than you already."

"You're only 3 years older." Eren retorted flatly. "If you really were a decade older, you'd be robbing the cradle with me."

"You're the one who wants an old grandma like me." You quipped. 

He tugged you closer and tucked you under his chin. "I guess we're both gross then." He ended with a slight chuckle. 

You leaned onto his chest, closing your eyes once you heard his strong and steady heartbeat. "Hey Eren?" You whispered.

"Hm?"

"...I love you."

He stilled before drawing you into his lap. "I love you too." He whispered into your hair. "I swear...No matter what, you will live."

You furrowed your brows. "Huh?" What did he mean by that?

"Nothing. I love you." He ended mysteriously, cutting the conversation there by kissing you dearly.

You were so focused on his lips that his words slipped away from your mind. You just wanted to enjoy your time with him.

 

* * *

 

**852**

You hadn't really believed that there were other people out there until a ship arrived. It was unlike any other ship you had ever seen; bigger, made completely of steel, and was absolutely crawling with foreigners. There would've been no way to go against the strange barrels on the deck of the ship without Eren, who had transformed into a Titan to beach the ship.

Immediately, you surrounded the passengers with Anti-Human ODM Gear as well as a few thunder spears. Though some tried to fight back, they were immediately killed by...their own fellows. A strange woman named Jelena introduced herself to us, and said she was here on behalf of Zeke. The Beast Titan.

He wanted to free the Eldian people.

It almost sounded like a joke, but the fact that Jelena, Onyankopon, and even Nicolos had begun sharing their crafts with your people meant that they were sincere in wanting to help you. They shared technology, advanced weaponry, and even culinary treats that were considered common cuisine for them, but completely foreign to you. 

ODM gear was updated, modern transportation was introduced to the Walls such as trains and railroads, and new dishes could be made with ingredients caught in the ocean. Sasha was over the moon for it and Nicolos had become her new hero, even though the Marleyan hated them all. Seeing how she enjoyed her cooking though, made him start to rethink his prejudices.

You enjoyed a lot of the new inventions they brought in, especially the concept of instant hot water. It meant taking nice showers for once, and the new railroad you guys were building meant that traveling didn't take as much energy and resources.

"...I only have about 5 or 6 years left." Eren spoke up while they rode the small train wagon back to Maria. 

You clenched your teeth and looked away.

"We should decide on who will get to inherit my Titans." He ended, staring down at his hands. 

"I will-" Mikasa immediately spoke up but Jean cut her off.

"No. We don't know what will happen since you're an Ackerman and an Asian. I should do it." He crossed his arms with a smirk. "I've got a cool head and I'm a great leader, so I'm the clear choice to inherit them."

"Nuh-uh." Connie rejected him. "You should be the next commander. I'll inherit them. I'm not that important but I'm quite capable."

"Should we let an idiot like you take them?" Sasha scrunched up her face. "I mean, uh, you know, you're not that smart. I'm strong and fast and a great hunter, so I should do it instead."

Connie blinked. "Doesn't that exclude you then? Since you're an idiot too?"

"HUH?!"

You smiled at your younger teammates. Even though they weren't your first squad, you had grown quite close to them all. "...I should do it. I have seniority, and it would only be appropriate if I inherited them from Eren."

Jean scoffed. "You just wanna say that for once, you ate Eren non-sexually."

You gaped. "Wha-?!"

"No."

You all turned to look at Eren who frowned. "None of you will inherit them." He decided resolutely.

"Why not?" You asked, brows furrowed. "We're your closest friends. One of us should do this for you."

He shook his head. "It's because you're my closest friends that I don't want to place this kind of burden on you. You're all too important to me."

You all stared at him, stunned by his honest and sincere admission. 

"Eren..." Armin breathed, smiling sympathetically.

You softened and reached over to hold his hand. Your younger lover had grown so much. He had matured into such a thoughtful and kind man, you were so proud of him.

Eren smiled back, but it was subdued, as if it was weighed down by something else.

You wondered what was going on through his head.

 

* * *

**853**

You moaned loudly when Eren tackled you onto the bed. "Eren..." You panted. "What brought this on?"

The port at the beach had been completed, along with a building for guests and trade. Another country had reached out to your people, Hizuru, and they had claimed Mikasa was a descendant of their Shogun. She was eligible to become the new Shogun of Hizuru. Many Marleyan ships had tried to dock on Paradis Island, but all of them were overthrown, usually by Survey Corps soldiers, but sometimes they had other members of Zeke's True Eldian Liberation Front. Using them as Prisoners of War, it meant that your people's technology had quickly advanced, almost enough to catch up to the world, but not enough. 

Paradis had too few people to really go up against Marley, whose army sported one million soldiers strong. They only had one zeppelin to fly them anywhere, but it did mean one thing.

It meant that Paradis was ready to reach out to the world. 

And it seemed like your lover wanted to celebrate.

"I want you..." Eren breathed against your neck, his teeth teasing your skin. "I want to feel you, I want to watch you come, I want to make you scream until you can't anymore."

You bit your lip, trying to withhold your moans. The older he became, the stronger and rougher he was in bed, but it was something you definitely enjoyed. "Eat me then." You joked seductively, watching his eyes narrow.

He bared his teeth at you like an animal, sending a thrill of pleasure down your spine. He attacked you mercilessly, almost tearing off your uniform, and left bruises and teeth marks all over your body. He squeezed your breasts in his large hands and suckled hard, letting the melody of your moans wash over him. Moving your leg, you felt the hard bulge of his cock straining against his pants, and you felt yourself tremble.

He had grown again, now almost a whole head taller than you. His hair had grown even longer, now almost brushing his shoulders, and it made kissing him feel as if he shielded your intimacy from the world. His shoulders were so broad, leading down to solid arms that held you protectively. His firm chest housed the heart that belonged to you, shielded by his impressive abdominal muscles. 

Leaning back from your ravaged self, he undid his belt and took off his pants, showing his impressive cock. No longer was he a teenager, every part of him was purely male. Every time you made love, it felt like he had grown bigger, and this time wasn't an exception.

Eren jerked himself a couple times, but instead of continuing, he bent down and placed his lips on your cunt. You gasped and held his head close, pulling on his hair. "Eren..." You moaned.

"You did say to eat you." He quipped, his voice sending vibrations straight to your clit. You cried out and arched your back, begging him to lick you, to suck, anything. You just needed him so badly. 

He licked at you enthusiastically, even going so far as to stick his tongue inside you to massage your inner walls. "Ah!" You whimpered, biting your lip. "I...I..." You were so close, just a little more...

Humming with amusement, Eren took his tongue back to suck on your little button, inserting two long fingers inside you. Immediately, you clenched around them and cried out, your orgasm shaking you to your core. "Eren!" 

Licking his fingers of your arousal, he lined himself up and without waiting for you to calm down from your high, pushed himself inside you, inch by agonizing inch. You sobbed from the pleasure, and he leaned down to kiss your tears away. "Shh...I love you." He whispered roughly, bottoming inside you.

You gasped for breath, feeling fuller than you ever had in your entire life. He was so big, you couldn't believe he still fit inside you. You were almost at your limit. "E-Eren..." You shakily wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders, holding on for dear life. "Please...I want your cum."

He hummed. "Do you now?" He asked, amused and full of desire.

"Please..." You sobbed. "I need you inside me. I need...I need you." You wanted something to remember him by. He only had a few years left. You were already 21, past the age of marriage. Being soldiers meant that marriage wasn't something that was applicable to you, but...you could always be with child. You wanted his child. Proof that he had lived and had loved you enough to gift you with his seed, a baby that was half him and half you. 

You wished so much to have a family with him, even if it wasn't meant to be.

Eren smiled gently down at you and kissed you with a fierce possessiveness, as if staking his claim. He slowly moved his hips and you whimpered. His cock was so big but it felt even bigger inside you, and every time he entered you, he massaged and pulled you with him. Wet slapping noises echoed inside the private bedroom, along with your little moans and his low grunts.

Gathering you in his arms, he picked you up into his lap and bounced you, watching your expression with the eyes of a predator. You gasped and arched your back as his tip nudged your innermost place, clenching around his thick length. He growled into your neck and picked up the pace, driving himself inside you relentlessly until you squeezed him so much that he couldn't move.

You gasped, your orgasm overtaking over mind and body, and saw white when you felt hot fire seep inside you. Eren snarled and pushed himself as deep inside you as he could, coming as well.

He stayed erect though, and you could only moan as he flipped you over on you stomach to begin once more, fucking you into the bed while tugging your hair. By the end of it, you were so tired that you had fallen asleep right after your 7th orgasm.

You didn't hear Eren whisper how he loved you, that he was doing this all for you.

And when you woke up, you were alone.

 

* * *

 

**854**

Eren had disappeared after that day.

No word, no letter, nothing.

If you hadn't woken up with semen covering your inner thighs, you would've believed he had left long ago. Instead, you had spent several weeks after that day desperately searching for him along with the other Survey Corps soldiers, and no one found a trace of him anywhere on Paradis. 

Meaning he had left the island.

You had been so distressed and panicked that you didn't notice that your monthly was late. By the time you realized, you were approximately 4 months pregnant. Due to your highly athletic body, there was no baby bump, but the fact that you hadn't bled in months meant you were with child.

At first, you were happy. You were pregnant with Eren's baby. It was what you had wanted because his final day was coming closer every year. He had expressed that he wanted to have a family one day, even though he knew it wouldn't be a good idea because of the turmoil that was happening across the sea. This child meant you were still going to have a piece of him with you even after he passed.

But then, you grew angry. How dare he just leave you without a word? How dare he get you pregnant just to skip out of town? You thought he had grown up to be more responsible, but the fact that he hadn't told anyone where he was going, not even you, meant that he didn't value anyone else's help except his own. 

After the anger passed, only sadness remained. He had left you. Had he not wanted to stay with you? Had he grown tired of you? Did he not love you anymore? Was this child unintended on his part? He didn't know, so you didn't blame him for it, but he should've at least told you where he had went. If he had any ounce of respect or love for you, he would've told you where he had gone.

Armin and Mikasa had been devastated when it was official that he had disappeared, but they had also become your greatest supporters, helping you when your bump became noticeable. Even Sasha had helped plan a healthy diet for you with the help of Nicolos. Jean and Connie became your protectors, with one of them being with you at all times no matter where or when.

Surprisingly, Levi had stepped in as well. "This is easily the dumbest thing the brat has ever done." He muttered. "Leaving you when you're pregnant. When we find him again, I'm going to rip him a new asshole."

"Please don't..." You closed your eyes tiredly as you gently rubbed your swollen belly. It wasn't as apparent as Historia's baby bump, but still. Having two women pregnant in their ranks at the same time meant that half of the Corps was relegated to protection detail while the other half worked on their militia power with the POWs.

It had been almost 9 months since Eren disappeared, meaning you were full term. It had been so hard without him, even with the others helping you. He was supposed to be here with you. To help you with your morning sickness, to rub your sore feet, to savor his baby's first movements inside your womb, to let his child know that their daddy was here and that he loved them.

Tears began to fall down your cheeks before you realized it, and soon you were a sobbing mess. "...I miss him." You cried.

Sighing heavily, Levi handed you a handkerchief and patted your back. "There, there..." He comforted you awkwardly. "We'll find him. He's alive somewhere, and we'll drag him back so he can be a proper dad and husband."

You choked out a watery laugh. "We never spoke about marriage..."

"After knocking you up, he better take responsibility or he's an even shittier brat than I thought." Levi rolled his eyes. "How close are you to the...birth?" He choked out the word as if it was vile.

You looked down at your bump. "...Soon, probably." You murmured. "If he isn't coming back in three weeks, he'll miss it..."

Levi frowned. "...Would it make you feel better if I was there in his place?" He offered quietly. "I don't mind."

You stared at him with wide eyes. "You don't? But...births are messy. You hate filth."

He grimaced and looked away. "That's true, however...You're my oldest squad member. You've been under my command for over 6 years. The least I could do is give you some comfort while you're trying to push a baby out of your vagina."

Unable to keep it in, you began to laugh, your heart feeling a little lighter. "Thank you, Captain."

"Just call me Levi. You've always been my favorite."

When you gave birth a month later, it was messy, loud, and everyone had been panicking just outside the room. Eren hadn't come back, and so Levi had stood in his place, holding your hand when the contractions became too painful and you were crying for Eren after each push.

When Hange handed you your baby, it was like the world had gone silent. Even with his eyes closed, you knew your baby had the same color as his father's. His little mop of hair was a light brown, guaranteed to slowly darken into a chocolate mousse, and his brows, while thick, were slimmer than his father's. 

You kissed his forehead and let your tears fall.

 

* * *

 

 

A month later, Eren's letters had arrived through Hizuru.

They explained where he had been and what he had been doing, and why he was contacting you all after all this time. He was going to launch an attack during a festival in Liberio, Marley in two weeks time and he wanted your help.

You almost broke down after the meeting, needing Levi to hold you until you could compose yourself again. You couldn't believe that after 10 months, your dumbass of a lover and the father of your son was about to do something as crazy as launching an attack on Marley with or without the help of the Survey Corps.

Hange had handed a letter to you saying it was specifically addressed for you.

You headed back into your room to read it, your son cuddled on your chest.

"'I know I have no right to ask for forgiveness.'" You read monotonously. "'I left you with no word, and I can't properly explain through this letter just why I did that. Right now, I'm undercover in Liberio. I won't blame you if you don't come. I won't blame any of you if you don't show up, but I trust you all to have my back. I promised you I would come back to you alive, and I will. Don't worry about me. Your love, Eren.'"

Your fingers gripped the paper harder until it crumbled in your fist, and you threw it at the wall. The violent jerking woke your son up and he began to whimper. "Ah, I'm sorry..." You whispered, giving him loving kisses on his chubby cheeks. "Your daddy is an idiot, you know?" You smiled against your will. Even after almost a year of silence and absence, you still loved him. 

So of course you went to meet him.

Within a week, Commander Hange, Captain Levi, the Levi Squad, and some other members all gathered on board the Survey Zeppelin, departing for Liberio. Onyankopon was piloting, and it was an estimated 3 days before you would arrive. Liberio was also a port town, meaning it would be easy to infiltrate them through a ship as well.

The plan was thus: The Levi Squad would be deployed first as an element of surprise. Being the elites, you would take out all the opposition and hopefully the Titan Shifters under Marley's rule. While that happened, you would place lights on rooftops to guide the Zeppelin down to Eren's location to extract him. Other Survey Corps soldiers would be deployed after to deal with the ongoing chaos, and to cover your retreat. Armin would be placed on a small sailboat at dock in case any Marleyan soldiers tried to sail to attack Paradise, and he would transform into the Colossal Titan to trample all their ships as well as any other war machine before extracting himself as well.

The plan was as good as it can be due to how vague Eren had been. 

When you finally flew close enough to the foreign country, your squad descended into town and flew across the rooftops via wires, leaving only the sound of moving steel cords. A loud explosion overtook the town square inside the ghetto, and you could spot Eren's Titan form emerging from the ruins of a building with a mighty roar.

It sent shivers down your spine and reminded you just how much you missed your attention seeking brat. 

The way Eren fought now had an edge to it, as if everything was done with cold calculations. He smashed and ate an official looking man on the stage, sending the audience into a panic, before another Titan appeared, one that was covered in some sort of substance. It could talk as well, which was something Eren's Titan was unable to do, and you could only watch as he entered battle with it.

Taking out several Marleyan soldiers on the rooftops, you quickly flew in when you saw another intelligent Titan dart out from an alley, jaws aimed for Eren's neck. With a thunder spear equipped on your hand, you launched it at the Jaw Titan, immobilizing it just before it could reach your lover.

The Attack Titan turned his head to stare at you with his crystal clear green eyes and you felt like crying. "Eren..." His neck began to steam and from it, the upper half of his real body emerged. His hair had grown even longer now, reaching his shoulder blades, and his eyes had narrowed, giving him a mature look. What really threw you off was the slight goatee he had growing on his face, just sparse facial hair that made him look older than he really was. 

"I knew you would come..." Eren gave you a slight smile, barely even a twitch of his lips, but it was something you hadn't seen in almost a year.

"Eren..." You fought the urge to yell at him. "We're going to have words when we get home."

He chuckled slightly. "Yes dear." He answered mildly before entering his Titan body once more. 

The battle afterward was a mess of Titans and humans, with Eren using the Jaw Titan to eat the War Hammer Titan's human body, and the rest of the squad killing several Marleyan soldiers who tried to stop you all. 

Mikasa extracted Eren from his Titan body when he said to retreat, and you all made it back up into the zeppelin, making sure to close the door after. You looked around the gondola and realized with a sorrowful frown that a few of the soldiers were missing. It must mean they were dead, otherwise they would be able to zip back up here on their own. You had to cut your losses, but in the meantime...

You turned around and entered the next cabin. Levi, Hange, Armin, and Mikasa were already there, trying to interrogate Eren who was covered in ragged clothes and halfheartedly wrapped bandages over his face. He just stared back at them with an apathetic gaze, something that seemed so foreign on your Eren, but then again...

This wasn't really your Eren anymore. He had been gone for 10 months. The fact that he looked like this and was barely recognizable already meant that he wasn't the same man he had been when he had left you.

You bit your lip and held a hand to your now flat stomach. The muscles there were still a little soft after giving birth, but you were as close to peak condition as you could be now. You would have to tell him some time soon...

"Eren, you're under arrest for going against your superiors, disappearing without a word, and for starting a war with our enemies without consulting us beforehand." Hange stated resolutely. "You will be placed in a cell as soon as we return home and we will decide what we will do to you then."

Eren only shrugged and you stared at him in disbelief. When had he ever been so rebellious against his superiors? Even to Levi whom he respected more than anyone? Who was this man..?

Biting your lip, you turned around and strode out back toward the other cabin, not seeing green eyes following you longingly.

 

* * *

 

 With Eren in his cell, Hange tried to question him, only to run out of the basement in a hurry, muttering how "he was a pervert, still in his rebellious phase, damn you Erwin for making me take over your job." They allowed you to go down to visit him, on the condition that you would share any information that was relevant to what his goals were, and you nodded.

That wasn't really what you wanted to ask him though.

When you slowly walked down the cold stone stairs, only in a simple shirt and long dress, you idly wondered if you should be going in without a weapon. Did you still love him? Yes. Forever and always. But did you still trust him? You couldn't answer that with any certainty.

Stopping in front of his cell, your eyes met his striking emerald greens. 

He had shaved off all his facial hair, leaving his face smooth and bare like you were used to. His long hair was pulled back into a half bun, with a few strands falling in front of his vision. He was shirtless, giving you a good look of his matured masculine torso, and his long legs were covered in a pair of uniform pants. He was over a head taller than you now, and it was like looking up at a giant compared to your smaller self.

"...Hey." You greeted him.

Eren tilted his head slightly as he stared down at you through the cell bars. "Is that all you want to say to me? After 10 months?"

You immediately had to restrain yourself from killing him. This damn brat. "...No. It's not." You clipped. "I'm sure Hange tried to ask you already, but why did you do all this?" 

He scoffed. He actually had the audacity to scoff at you. "No 'welcome back'? No 'I miss you'?" He glared down at you. "After all I had done for you?"

You snapped. "Done for _me_?! You have done nothing that has been good for me!" You shouted, slamming your hands on the bars. The sound echoed throughout the empty basement. "You left without a word, was considered MIA for 10 months, and now you've started a war! You have put all of us in danger!"

"It was going to happen sooner or later!" He shouted back, stepping as close as he could to the bars. "By doing this, I have another Titan's power under my control now! I have the ability to create things with my own will! Do you know what this means?!" With every sentence, he moved closer until your breaths were mingling through the bars. "It means I can protect you better." He hissed, the troughs around his eyes darkening as if he was in his Titan form. "Reiner doesn't have the will to fight, Zeke is close to dying, and Pieck is nearing her end as well. I was _this_ close to eating Galliard and obtaining the Jaw Titan."

You stared up at him. "...Is that all you care about then? Obtaining all 9 Titans for yourself?" You whispered, feeling numb and tired. When had he grown so power hungry? No human should ever hold so much power for himself.

Eren snarled. "It's for _you_!" He slammed against the bars, his hands reaching out to grip your wrists. You gasped, surprised and even a little terrified of him. "No one has ever had all 9 Titans under their control since the first Ymir. With their power inside me, I can change the world. I can make it better for you! You'll be able to live freely unlike now!"

"...And where are you in this idyllic future?" You whispered, tears threatening to fall. 

He fell silent and looked away. 

That was all the answer you needed.

Closing your eyes, you let the tears fall, and your sobs echoed in the empty basement. You slowly slid down to the floor and your hands fell limply at your sides. It was all for you, huh. Everything he did. All the people he killed. All the Titans he had devoured. The countries that he had thrown into chaos. All for you.

It was all your fault.

Large hands engulfed your face and you slowly opened your eyes, barely able to see through your tears. Eren held you gently as if you were the most fragile treasure he had, and he stared at you with those beautiful emerald eyes of his. You hated and loved them so much. How could he do this to you? How could he ever think this would result in an idyllic future? One where he was going to take all the powers of the devil to change the world? 

A world without him?

"You stupid attention seeking brat..." You sobbed, placing your hands over his. "I don't want a world without you in it."

"I'm going to die anyway..." Eren whispered, moving through the bars to kiss your forehead. "I may as well try my best for you."

The door to the basement creaked open, followed by the familiar cries of your baby. Levi appeared around the corner, holding your son in his arms, and he narrowed his eyes at his former charge. "He's been crying for you." He spoke to you, never taking his gaze off the prisoner.

Eren froze when he saw the baby, his wide eyes darting up to Levi's face, back down to the baby, then to you, and his brows began to furrow in anger.

Wiping your face, you reached up to accept your son into your arms. "Sorry. Have I been down here long?" 

"It's been an hour and a half." Levi informed you coolly. "Any problems so far with Eren here?"

You shook your head. "No, we're fine."

Levi nodded slowly. "If you need anything, call out for me." And with that, he pivoted and headed up the stairs, closing the door behind him. 

You were left alone with Eren behind bars, and your son in your arms, still whimpering for his mother while clenching his eyes shut. "Shh shh..." You soothed, rocking him gently. He slowly quieted down to sniffles before snuggling into your chest, and you smiled fondly. You couldn't believe this little bundle of miracle had come from you and the man in front of you-

"Whose baby is that." Eren asked, his voice low and almost growling.

Startled, you looked back up at him. "Huh?"

His handsome face was contorted in a snarl, teeth bared to the world and his eyes glowing a poisonous green. "Whose. Baby. Is. That." He demanded, clearly furious and even a glimpse of hurt and betrayal shining through. "Is it the Captain's?!"

"Shh." You shushed him, giving him a deep glare for yelling. How dare he try to threaten you. How dare he even think that you had cheated on him with another man? "You're a brat through and through, Eren." You coldly stated before turning to nudge your son. "Honey, open your eyes for mommy. C'mon, do it for mommy..." You cooed.

Your son whimpered and smacked his mouth a couple of times, finally waking up from his little cry. As he opened his eyes, you angled him so he would face Eren, and green met green.

Eren stared down at him, having fallen silent. His large green eyes met much smaller but no less beautiful green ones, an identical shade. He looked up at the baby's hair, noting that it was a dark brown, and finally up to your face, where you waited patiently. "...He's mine?" He choked out.

"You would've known if you hadn't left without a word." You spoke indifferently, trying to cover up your own grief from his absence. "The night you left was when I conceived."

His eyes widened in disbelief and he slowly looked back down at the baby- his son. "He's really mine..?" He whispered wondrously. "He's ours?"

"I haven't decided if you should really be his father, even though you're his biological one." You turned away and held your son closer and away from the man behind the bars. "You weren't here. You didn't help me when I constantly threw up from stress. You weren't here to hear his heartbeat, or to feel him kick inside my stomach. You weren't here to help me walk around because my balance was screwed up and you weren't here for his birth!" You yelled, clenching your eyes shut. "You didn't even know he existed until 5 minutes ago because you were off trying to 'change the world' for me, how fucked up is that?" You wept, smiling weakly when you son tried to grab your tears in his chubby little hands. "You may have helped create him, but you have been no father to him."

Letting out a shaky sigh, Eren fell to his knees and hesitantly reached beyond the bars, his fingertips just barely grazing the baby's cheeks. "...I'm sorry." He apologized a few minutes later. "You're right, I shouldn't have just left you for 10 months. Even though I know what I have to do, I should've..." He clenched his jaw and bowed his head. "I should've at least told you, even though you would've stopped me. It would've been more fair to you, I think."

"It would've been better than nothing." You mumbled, leaning against the bars. "You're such a brat, Eren..."

"Ah." He acknowledged, scooting closer to reach his hands out of the bars and around you and your son. "You always tell me that. I guess I'll always be a brat, hm?"

"Probably, but...I still love you." You admitted quietly. "Just please...Work with Hange and the others. We want to help you but you keep running off to do things on your own. I just want you to help us understand what you're planning to do."

"...I'll try." Eren quirked a small smile, sending butterflies to your stomach. He really had gotten even more handsome now, it was really unfair. "...When should we do this?"

"Huh?" You blinked. What was he talking about?

"When should we get married?" He corrected himself. "That's what we should do, right? We have a baby...It wouldn't be right if I didn't marry you, love."

Your breath hitched.

"I have a son..." Eren whispered in awe, his large hands dwarfing his baby's. " _We_ have a son..."

"Yeah..." You sniffled, blinking away your tears. "We do..."

This didn't solve anything, but it did lighten the weight on your shoulders. He was still going to die in 4 years. He was still going to go to war by himself. And he was still going to leave you all alone with your son. But it was better than nothing.

You had to keep telling yourself it was better than nothing.

 

* * *

 

 

When Eren had finally been released from prison two weeks later, the first thing he did was wrap his arms around you.

Well, it was what he wanted to do.

Truthfully, you sent him to get a thorough shower first. He was filthy from being undercover in Marley, and even though he did his best, the cell he had been imprisoned in didn't come equipped with a shower, only a sink.

After he had washed himself, he dressed in only a pair of pants before taking a seat on the bed in front of his son. This was the first time he was seeing him without bars being in the way. "Hi..." Eren whispered with a smile, holding his hands out. "Come to daddy."

The baby stared at him on his stomach and drooled into his little fist.

"He can't crawl yet." You informed him, amused. "He's still too young to do anything."

"When was he born?" Eren asked, distracted by the sight of his son. Anything he did, he committed to memory.

"Almost two months ago." You sat down next to your baby and tugged him into your lap. "Levi held my hand when I gave birth to him."

Eren looked away with a stiff frown. "That should've been me..." He whispered. 

You frowned. "Yes, it should've been you, but it wasn't. You're here now, aren't you?"

Blinking, he huffed and smiled. "Yeah..." He reached out and gently held his son in his arms. "Hey...it's nice to officially meet you."

Smacking his lips, his son yawned and slowly closed his eyes, already tuckered out. Chuckling quietly, Eren placed him inside the bassinet and watched him fondly from above. "...I have a legacy now."

"Hm?" You looked up at him curiously.

"I'm not leaving you alone when I die." He corrected, turning to give you a soft but loving smile. "A piece of me is inside him."

You couldn't help but compare him now to when he was a teenager, and even when he was a boy. Even though he had grown up, gotten taller, broader, more muscular, he still had that same smile he kept just for you.

He was such a selfish brat, but you loved him.

And he was going to war for you.

Biting your lip, you silently held your arms out. Eren blinked, but slowly crossed the room and walked into your embrace. You nuzzled into his chest, relishing in his strong hold, and tilted your head up in a silent invitation.

Getting the hint, he leaned down and enveloped your lips in a kiss, a kiss that was long overdue. You moaned softly against his lips, and parted them with your tongue. It had been a long 10 months without him...

Pushing you down against the bed, he peppered you with little kisses around your neck, down your collarbone, and after unbuttoning your shirt, on your breasts. You cried out when he licked at your sensitive nubs, and covered your mouth to stifle them. Eren chuckled against your skin but continued downward, worshiping your body like it belonged to a goddess. "I've missed you..." He whispered against your stomach, his thumb tracing the small scars that came from pregnancy. "I want to get to know your body all over again. I want to make sure your body misses me. I want to make you cum around me, squeezing my cock."

You whimpered at his confessions, getting wetter by the second. When had he become such a dominating man? Your Eren had really grown up to be so capable, so powerful, so terrifying to his enemies. Yet such a sweet and loving man to you, and a kind man to his friends. He who had devoured 3 Titans, and planned to take them all into himself.

Your lover was a god.

And yet he worshiped you like a poor man and his beloved goddess, believing that you deserved everything in the world. 

When he entered you, you openly cried, feeling like he was finally coming home. When he thrust into you, you moaned, feeling like he was dominating your body and mind. When you both came, you clung to him for dear life, never wanting to let him go.

"I love you..." You whispered, slowly blinking away your tears.

"And I love you." Eren whispered against your lips, enveloping you in his strong and protective arms.

Four years left.

Peace seemed so far away...

 

* * *

  **860**

 

"Momma?" Your son spoke up while you were out in the grasslands.

"Yes?" You answered, looking up from your sewing.

"Was dad a good man back then?"

Blinking, you huffed and smiled fondly. "Your dad was an annoying attention-seeking brat. He was loud and rough as a boy, but he grew up to be a passionate and valiant teenager. We fell in love then."

"Then what happened?" He asked, fascinated by the story.

"Well, you know how I told you about Titans? The man eating giants who used to be us Eldians. We used to fight and die against them for years, but when your dad joined the army, everything changed. So much happened, and your dad became one of the few people who could transform into a Titan!"

"Whoa, what did he look like?!"

"He was as tall as a mountain, and as strong as one too! He was very muscular, the protector of humanity." You described avidly. "He had long brown hair to his shoulders, and his eyes were a brilliant green like yours!"

He placed his hands near his eyes. "Like mine?!"

"Yup!" You nodded with a smile. "There were other people who could shift, but they had bad intentions, so we fought a lot. In the end, your dad took all the power and changed the world."

"How did he do that?" Your son inquired, tilting his head.

You sighed and looked up at the blue sky, dotted with white fluffy clouds. "He took that power and gave it back to the devil. The devil had gifted Ymir with the power of 9 Titans, and because it didn't belong in this world, everyone hated each other. There was a lot of death, and your dad didn't want you to grow up in such a world, so he sacrificed it all..."

"...Dad sounds like a good man." Your son said solemnly.

You nodded. "He was. And he still is."

"What happened with Uncle Armin then?"

You huffed. "Well...Uncle Armin thought your dad was crazy, but he helped out with his plan. The devil took it all back, so-"

"Hey! Are you gossiping about me behind my back?!"

You both looked up beyond the hill to see a tall man, grinning down at you with emerald green eyes. Your son gasped and ran toward him. "Dad! Dad dad dad, you're back from headquarters!"

"Of course I am!" Eren exclaimed, picking up his son with ease and placing him on his shoulder. "It's only been a month. I wouldn't stay away that long from both of you."

"Hi, husband." You waved with a fond smile.

Smiling gently, he leaned down and gave you a loving kiss, your son making an "ugh" noise while you did so. Parting away, he leaned his forehead against yours. "Hi, wife. I came back to you like I promised." He whispered. "You are free."

You beamed and rubbed your swollen belly. "Welcome home."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> The reason why this one shot exists is because I caught up on AOT ( up to chapter 109) and saw muscular manly 19 year old Eren and i just...thirst. Yup.
> 
> In fact I thirsted so hard I just HAD to draw and color it:  
> [](https://imgur.com/6F6uzyG)
> 
> THIS IS A ONESHOT AND IS THEREFORE COMPLETE!


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